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Tags: advice , boyzomb , clitoris , communication , conventional wisdom , date night , dating , embarrassment , ewww , happy surprises , misconceptions , relationships , zombie dating , zombie lifestyle , zombies. Poaching is a reprehensible betrayal of sisterhood and the fourth way in our series on how to meet a zombie. What it entails: Meeting a fully domesticated zombie who is already in a relationship, luring him with tempting brain treats when no one is looking and taking him home.
The advantages: All of the benefits of a fully domesticated zombie with none of the effort or expense. All BZ poachers should be exiled to the wilds of suburbia and made to exist on vending machine Spam and cream soda. Tags: advice , bad form , betrayal , boyzomb , cream soda , dating , etiquette , fully domesticated zombies , get your own boyzomb , grass-is-greener-itis , irresponsible behavior , poaching , relationships , responsible behavior , stealing , zombies.
Listen up, Girl Guides, because this one is especially false: Zombies only care about your satisfaction. As dead creatures with reanimated life, they have no pleasure centers in the prefrontal cortex or any cortex. The same with sex. For them, sex is simply another drive. They do it because nature compels them to. Trust me, that makes all the difference.
Tags: advice , boyzomb , brains , dating , happy surprises , misconceptions , misinformation , natural compulsions , orgasms , prefrontal cortext , relationships , satisfaction , sex , the Big O , zombie lifestyle , zombies. As snow continues to blanket the Northeast on a seemingly daily basis, I thought it was time to remind my fellow Girl Guides of a few seasonal rules.
Most people think that zombies are inured to the cold because they are non-blooded creatures. The sad truth is, the lack of a heartbeat is often accompanied by a lack of sense! When was the last time your boyzomb realized his hand had frozen off?
Shed the sled. But think twice before indulging in this cold-air thrill. Even light boogie boards pose a risk: The rope used to pull it up the hill has been known to cause unexpected decapitations when not handled proper i. Flee the skies. To be fair, skies are a lot less harmful to your rottie hottie than a sled.
Remember your first time getting on the chairlift or—gasp of humiliation! Remember that flop of shame? Instead, cozy up in the lodge for hot chocolate and some quality canoodling. Pummel the shovel. Just how much shoveling fun your boyzomb has depends on your goal. If you want your sidewalk to be cleared of snow and safe for people to pass, then you might want to expend a little elbow grease yourself. There are few things zombies love more than moving snow around with a shovel and they can do it with surprising dexterity.
Tags: advice , fun , relationships , skiing , sledding , snow , winter , zombie dating , zombies. When I started my journalism career as a cub reporter er, intern for the Xombie Review, the last thing I expected was to one day write the definitive how-to for meeting and dating zombies.
Cringe at my first zombie date! Wince as I try to break into a secret government facility! Cheer as I grow as a person! Heart, wit, suspense—this story has it all. And check out the cover. See that cool upside-down heart blood drop? That represents the topsy-turvy world we live in. Clever, right?! Tags: communication , conventional wisdom , coupledom , exciting story , growth moments , happy couples , Love in the Time of Zombies , Netflix , new information , plague , prequel , responsible behavior , rottie hottie , surprises , tell-all , the truth , zombie dating , zombie-dating secrets , zombies.
I know far too well how easy it is to get caught up in the minutia of a new partner: the adorable hesitance with which he nibbles the edge of a cow brain before digging in, the sweet-acrid singe of his skin as he smells a burning candle, the slightly shameful tilt of his head when you catch him trying to eat your cat. Relationships with zombies, even the best of them, are temporary. One day, your boyzomb will disappear.
You can overcome the lure of the love bubble by following one simple rule: girls before ghouls. Tags: advice , boyzomb , brains , communication , conventional wisdom , date night , dating , dining , etiquette , friends , ghouls , giddy exuberance , girlfriends , golden rule , happiness , love bubble , relationships , responsible behavior , smart choices , zombie lifestyle. Long before the H1Z1 virus turned Opinions varied widely on the necessity and utility of chivalry in the modern world, and there were as many definitions of what it meant to be a gentleman as there were gentlemen.
The obvious explanation for this imbalance is anatomical: If your zombie boyfriend were to give you a hand with the door, he might actually give you a hand. His mind is a gloppy stew of decayed dendrites, atrophied axons and neutered neurons. There is much to miss with the zombification of the male population—sparking wit, spirited conversation, even the well-thought-out zinger in the middle of a heated argument—but the loss of old-fashioned courtesy is not one of them.
Think of it as the end of awkward pauses at the door. Think of it as the end of unintended offense when you competently open the door for yourself. Think of it as the end of gender inequality as we know it. Still not convinced? The zombpocalypse has been hard on all of us, and we each adapt to this brave new world at our own pace. Tags: advice , boyzomb , brains , chivalry , communication , conventional wisdom , dating , embarrassment , equality , etiquette , gender equality , human males , manners , misconceptions , modern courtesy , modern manners , silver lining , zombie , zombie dating , zombie etiquette , zombie lifestyle , zombies.
We know. The last thing a Girl Guide like you needs in her zombie-dating surival kit is a condom. Needle and thread for unexpected limb loss? Oh, yeah. A must. But condoms? Use them as coasters, Christmas Tree decorations or bookmarks. Unwrap a few, blow them up amd play zombie-condom-balloon dodge ball.
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