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Guys perspective on dating

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And you'll begin to view women with the wholesome respect God intends. See immorality for what it is: a weapon of the enemy designed for your destruction. So choose your friends carefully; connect with men who care about your growth and standing as a follower of Christ. Be honest with them about your habits and struggles. Let them know what you are doing to try to grow spiritually so they can pray for you, help hold you accountable, and get in your face when necessary.

We're told that more marriages break up over finances than any other issue. This needn't worry us, but it should motivate us. Men should aspire to financial stability. This doesn't guarantee a surplus of money or safeguard us from occasional unemployment.

I am suggesting, however, that a man who is disciplined in his work ethic and wise with his resources is better prepared for courtship and marriage than one who is impulsive and discontent. The kind of lady you want will be drawn to your character, not the model year of your car or the square footage of your house.

More importantly, God is honored by the wise use of every resource He lends you, whether dollars in your wallet or hours in your workday. Some who read this may be in debt or out of work, and the current financial picture is bleak. Are you a hopeless cause? But you need to focus on what you can do to improve your situation. What steps can you take, under the leadership of the Lord, to move toward financial freedom and gainful employment?

Get yourself situated and moving forward. Finding myself single again after being married for over eighteen years, I've confronted a question that we must all wrestle with in the face of any loss: Is God enough for me? Until we can answer in the affirmative, we would be wise to suspend seeking another relationship. Loneliness is difficult, but it is not sufficient reason to pursue a partner.

Loneliness in its rawest form can make us very self-centered. Therefore any relationship we enjoin out of sheer loneliness holds only ourselves, or mostly ourselves, at the center. Whether consciously or subconsciously, we seek to medicate our wound through the presence of another person. This is neither fair to them nor healthy for us. Remember men, we are to be Christ-like. That means we are not seeking to be loved but to love.

Love that is self-centered is really not love at all. Better to come to grips with this now and have God form genuine love in our hearts than to enter into a relationship that hurts both individuals and misrepresents Christ. So how does a man prepare himself spiritually? By seeking God with all his heart. To do this, he must embrace his loneliness, grief, disappointment, hurt -- any and all circumstances that have brought him to this place of aloneness. Embracing the hurt ushers in the comfort, and comfort is delivered by God Himself.

Spend more time in prayer. Spend more time studying the Bible. Read Christian literature that instructs and edifies. Attend Bible study or discussion groups. Involve yourself in service. Step out of the world of self-pity and into a life that is marked by Kingdom purposes and activities. Give more than you take. Understand that real men are leaders and real leaders are servants. Spiritual development also involves the building of a prayer life.

Speaking of which, it is surprising how few men actually ask God for a wife. Of all things, why would we leave this matter off our prayer list? Perhaps some would argue that it is unspiritual to pray about such a thing, that if God intends us to be married we should disengage from the process and allow Him to override our neutrality.

Being neutral is fine if it means surrender and waiting by faith on God's answer which, by the way, first demands that a request be made , but it is not fine if it implies apathy or cowardice. Beware of two relationship killers: over-aggression and passivity. In the past the former was the likelier culprit; these days however, the latter seems more common.

When it comes to male-female friendships, which is where any meaningful relationship begins, men are increasingly stolid. Some of this is no doubt due to personal hang-ups or bad experiences. But much of it is, in my opinion, the result of two widespread phenomena. First, the past few generations have provided fewer and fewer positive examples of what a Christian marriage can be. Second, manhood has been under siege. Women have been encouraged to be stronger, to stand up for themselves and revolt against male domination.

In some instances this may have been both appropriate and necessary. However, as a cultural wave it has created a harmful undertow: the erosion of manhood. It's fine to be deliberate, but not passive. It's good to be cautious, but not cowardly. Dating is risky business, and I'm not advocating a reckless abandonment to our feelings. I am saying, however, that Christian men need to be motivated toward building proper relationships with Christian women.

This is the design and intent of God. Clearly marriage is part of His will for most men and women. Do not rush into it, but do not hide from it either. There is a time to involve trusted members of the body of Christ in your personal business, and your dating life should be one of those occasions. Connect with some married couples whom you respect, and ask them to pray with you about this matter.

What drink to order? What food to eat? How the bill should be split? To help women out, men should take some of the stress out of the situation by choosing the wine, instigating whether to have food early on and offering to pay the bill at least on the first date. Women will expect men to suggest a second date straight after the first date if the evening has gone well. Men typically hold their cards much closer to their chest and never outwardly offend their date, whereas women are more likely to be honest.

The feedback I received this Monday is no exception. I see two emails sitting in my inbox from a couple who met on Sunday night. Two minutes into the date he brought up the impending general election what a bore and at the end asked if I would accompany him home. Needless to say, that is all he is going to get and I do not want to see him again!

Men are renowned for being lazy in certain elements of their lives, one of them being the way they date. Therefore, in some instances, geography can play a part on how the relationship progresses. I encourage women not to worry that something is wrong with them, it might just be the minute Uber rides that are the problem.

Although men like to show they are in charge, they admit that being approached by a woman can be a big turn on. If a woman asks a man out for a drink or for his number, this suggests that she is head-strong and self-assured. These are desirable qualities a man looks for in his life partner. Mixing things up can be exciting and more often than not a man will respect a woman who has the confidence to make the first move.

Despite men wanting a headstrong woman, there is a difference between confidence and eagerness. If a man wants something, he will go out and get it, so constantly barraging them over message, introducing them to friends too early on and discussing marriage and children might make them run a mile. Women do actually share a similar thought process on keenness.

If a man is confessing his undying love by date two, he no longer comes across as manly and is much less desirable. A lesson for both sexes: play it slightly cool to maintain attention. Men do not overanalyse dates, body language or text talk. This can leave dates feeling very confused as to whether a woman actually likes them — no matter how much flirting and hair twirling goes on. To have the confidence to ask women out on a second date, men need things spelling out to them.

Men attach value to something we perceive as unattainable. Men are goal focused and so perceive wooing a woman as accomplishing a goal. Men are more prone to keeping their options open, potentially dating more than one person at once in the early stages and keeping an eye out for future options.

This actually disguises an underlying vulnerability in the male sex; although keeping a couple of women as potential options might come across as disrespectful and "player-like", men fear their pride will be wounded if they invest all their energy into one woman who might call things off. Recently, I received a call from a female member, Margot, who has just been on a second date with another member. Margot calls me in a fluster and says, "Mairead, we have to talk about Paul.

I met up with him again last night and things went really well throughout the meal and drinks and then things escalated when he came back to mine. Now I am worried I have scared him off. Please call him and find out.


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Or another one is that if something happens, then you make a sly remark about it and you make her laugh, then MAYBE you have a chance with her. Not to mention my most favorite one, and only some girls think this way, but physical appearance is everything. It angers me to see some people that are just that closed minded to the point where they wouldn't even consider dating a bigger guy or someone that isn't that physically attractive at all.

It's insulting to me, and I'm pretty sure it is to some other guys as well. But wait, it gets worse. Then, there're people being afraid of commitment. What is there to be afraid of? Yeah, I went through all that. I went through hell and back many, many times. It now comes to that point where if it happens again, at least I can say I'm used to it.

I'm used to rejection and being disappointed constantly to the point where I can't feel any emotion anymore. Where am I going with this? I'm saying that heartbreak is a natural part of dating. Being afraid of commitment means that you're not a great person, to begin with. It shows that you yourself are afraid of failure, which is not good. Do you want to know another thing that's pretty bad?

The fact that girls would generalize all guys as one stereotype, they would say that all guys will cheat on them, or leave them, and they don't trust us. This makes me feel bad because it makes me feel like I have no chance with anyone now because of that. It's an awful generalization because I'm not even like that, so why would you even think that? I know it's awful, but as I said before, keep your mind open. Technology is also a big thing now, and messaging girls, just trying to talk to them, is a challenge.

But I'm smart, I know that you're trying to be nice by "not seeing the message", yeah sure, no problem. But you can message another guy right? One thing girls don't get is that us guys worry too when you don't message back, and it's one of the worst feelings in the world.

It feels like I'm not good enough for you and I constantly want to know, "what am I doing wrong? And asking them out, I don't. I can explain why I don't but that's another topic for a different article. Typically because I can't, I just say, "I hope whatever guy you get will treat you like I would.

In a relationship, my worst fear is when somebody cheats in a relationship. Now, I have been cheated on before, and I've been used before. So I can tell everybody right now that if you cheat on your partner, you're one worthless individual. No one ever deserves to go through that. But then, of course, I always feel bad for the people they date after because they have no idea what's coming for them. Cheating will always be my worst fear, whether it would be when I'm in a relationship or even when I get married, I'm scared to death.

Cheating doesn't go well for me, it actually destroys me on the inside knowing that there are girls out there that do that. Why would you do it? Which brings me to my next point. I saved my personal favorite for last. Hooking up. My first question is why would you? I must admit that I was guilty of this too last year as a Freshman and even at the beginning of this year, but it took me until October to realize that what I'm doing isn't going to get me where I need to go.

I'm only making matters worse by doing so. I really want something more meaningful, something that will last more than one night. You can tell me because that is all I see of modern dating in I'll be honest, I'm afraid for the future.

If dating gets worse, then I wonder what's going to happen in , , and onward. I don't know if you're as worried as I am, but it's something that I constantly keep thinking day in, day out. For those already in a relationship, good luck. You better hold on to your partner and keep them, because it's a tough world out here, good luck finding your replacement. For those who aren't and are looking for someone out there, keep on trucking.

You'll find them eventually. Thanks for taking the time to read this and if you can relate to any of these, post below in the comments. I'll be back next week with a new article and until then, have a good weekend. Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers.

According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology , being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years. If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace.

I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too.

So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming.

As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story. Realize that being burnt out doesn't mean that you're not good at what you do.

So often, I want to do my best in everything that I do, and I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. The trouble starts when we overwork ourselves and work so hard that we forget why we do the things we're doing. It's the point in the semester where students start to feel burnt out, and I've started to feel it, too. I've realized that some days, I need a little bit more rest or a few more breaks than usual. That's OK. Taking a break or being exhausted doesn't mean that you're not good at what you do.

Instead, I like to think about it as a simple nudge to re-direct. Yes, I hope you do big things. I hope you put your all into everything that you do, but I also hope you know that it's OK to step away. I also hope you know that it's normal to feel burnt out or discouraged or exhausted at times. However, I hope you have the discernment to realize when being burnt out becomes a regular routine and commit to change. I hope you have the courage to realize that the people who care the most often feel like they aren't caring enough.

I hope you realize that you are good even when your performance isn't. Most of all, I hope you prioritize your mental health, and yes, that might mean taking a break or walking away. You can love what you do and realize that it's time to move on in a new direction, or perhaps, you can circle back to why you started. When you do that, I hope it all makes sense, but until then, take care of yourself. Be gentle with yourself, even when you aren't quite sure of your next steps.

Understand that no one is asking you to be perfect. I am a raging perfectionist in everything that I do. I am easily my worst critic, and I realize that some of the expectations I hold for myself are unrealistic. Yes, by all means, I hope you set goals for yourself.

I hope you strive for excellence, but I hope you realize that no one is asking for you to be perfect. We're all messy humans with strengths and weaknesses, but more importantly, we're all humans with a story. Embrace yours, even when it isn't perfect. I've found that the things we consider our greatest weaknesses are often the things that make us the most relatable.

Understand that people are learning from you in ways that you may never know. Other people need you to be human to the fullest. More importantly, you need yourself to be human to the fullest. When you make mistakes, take responsibility and learn from them. When you make mistakes, remember that this isn't the first or the last mistake that you've made. Give in to grace. Each mistake is a step in your life, and without them, we wouldn't have growth.

There are a whole lot better things to be than perfect. I hope you choose to be kind. I hope you choose to be empathetic. I hope you choose to be good. It's much better than being perfect, anyway. Recognize that there's a lot more to this life than having it all together. The reality is, if we're being human to the fullest, we probably won't have it all together all the time.

That's completely OK. You are allowed to feel and experience emotions and cry it out. You are allowed to ask for help and admit that you don't know what to do next. You are allowed to admit that you don't have all the answers, and I hope that you do.

Humans are meant to live in community. We aren't meant to do this thing called life alone. Reach out to others for help, and be there for them when they need you, too. Don't be afraid to share your story. Every day won't be the best day, but every day will have a lesson.

I'd challenge you to find that lesson, even when it's hard. You won't find that lesson if you're busy trying to cover it up. Looking back, some of the worst days have given me the best stories and lessons. I hope you'll find that the same is true for you, too. Write it on your heart that whatever you do today is enough.

Let it be enough for you. I'll be the first to admit that I get upset with myself if I accomplish twenty things one day and only five the next. I've realized the danger in the word "only" because it emphasizes what we've yet to do instead of what we've already done.

Yes, there is always room for growth and improvement, but there is also room to celebrate the little victories. Maybe you made your bed or made it to work on time. Those things might not seem big, but they're still victories. I'd challenge to realize that even on your worst day, you are still loved. Someone once told me that although it might be a huge issue for me, other people probably won't notice or care.

That isn't meant to be discouraging. It's meant to say that much of our struggle is internal. Most of the struggle is against our own expectations of success or unworthiness, not other people. I'd challenge you to realize that you are loved all the same, whether you get a 20 page research paper done or get a promotion or stay in bed all day. You are loved all the same even if you don't think you deserve to be loved. You are loved all the same whether you get everything done or nothing at all done.

Whatever you do today is enough because you are enough. Let that sustain you today. Your story isn't finished just yet. If you messed up today, you can try again tomorrow. If you succeeded today, you can try again tomorrow. I would challenge you to look beyond your immediate situation and into the long-term.

Yes, by all means, you are valid to worry or have feelings about something that you know is small. Just because it's small in the long-term doesn't mean it's small to you, and I completely understand that. I'm completely the same way. I hope you take your time to feel what you need to feel, but I hope you also realize when it's time to move on into the rest of your story.

One of my favorite quotes is "You have to keep moving on, darling, or you'll miss the train to bigger things than this. I hope you don't live your life in regret. I hope you realize that it is never too late and you are never too far gone to choose what is good. Start wherever you are. Start in your doubt and in your fear and in your anticipation.

Start in your worry or your excitement or your joy. Start wherever you are and keep going. Start with grace. Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV?

Just me? Oh, how I doubt that. I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real. Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed.

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded.

I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself. If they love you, they're not going to care if you didn't get them some expensive diamond necklace or Rolex watch; they just want you. With spring semester starting, many college students are looking to take courses for the semester.

With the pandemic still ongoing, many students are likely looking for the option to take online courses. Online courses at one time may have seemed like a last minute option for many students, but with the pandemic, they have become more necessary.

Online courses can be very different from taking an on-campus course. You may be wondering what the best way to successfully complete an online course is. So, here are 10 helpful tips for any student who is planning on taking online courses this semester! Brittany Morgan, National Writer's Society 2. Kristen Haddox , Penn State University 4. Welcome back. Sign in to comment to your favorite stories, participate in your community and interact with your friends.

No account? Create one. Start writing a post. You'll see what dating is like through my eyes, come walk with me. Illinois State University. What is Modern Dating in like? This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator. Subscribe to our Newsletter. Health and Wellness Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers.

Rutgers University. Allan and Kristen Rogers highlight, "The researchers found children who felt connected to nature-feeling pleasure when seeing wildflowers and animals, hearing sounds of nature-engaged in altruism, or actions that helped other people. When I was in elementary school, I remember how thrilled I would be whenever we had class field trips!

Those field trips were always exhilarating and a whole new learning experience because we would learn how to work as a team and then begin to realize how teamwork will eventually lead to our success in the task performed. We get to become more eco-friendly and kids are exposed to that relationship early on making it easier for them to always strive to make our world a better place! For instance, medical journals have shed light on the fact that nature is a great cure for children suffering from autism, epilepsy, and stress-related disorders.

Hence, kids should definitely be exposed to nature during the early stages of their life as they will become more inclined to appreciate the vitality and importance of it. Keep Reading Show less. Florida Gulf Coast University. Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash. University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. He handled it well, especially when he asked if she was okay. Then he convinced her to possibly transfer to Stanford after her freshman year, but the next day she began to fall in love with New York Is the movie trying to make this a trend?

Troy went to Berkeley and Gabriella went to Stanford, just sayin' Yes, it was predictable and cheesy, but what else would you really expect? A girl who is constantly seeing the negative in everything or complaining about little things is a red flag to a guy. He wants to spend his time with someone who is refreshing and positive to the soul. This goes for people in general too.

No one likes to be around someone who brings them down. Remedy : Start paying attention to comments you make about service at restaurants, waiting in long lines, etc. If you notice a pattern or have been told that you project negativity, start to be intentional with the words you speak.

They carry a lot of weight, and impact not only the people around you, but also how you feel too. The thoughts you think become the words you say, which influences the way you feel and ultimately becomes the way you behave.

Irresponsible All the men said it is important for them to see a woman who is responsible. But everyone can ask themselves: Do you live within your means? Do you pay your bills on time? Are you on time for appointments and meetings, do you honor commitments? Do you have a reputation as a woman who follows-through or flakes? Do you consistently get in trouble for the same thing? Not only will it be helpful in attracting a responsible man and in the overall happiness of a relationship, it will make you happier too!

She basically is waiting for her turn to talk. Remedy : The best way to make someone feel good is to ask questions about them and to show an interest in what they are actually saying. Lack of Ambition It is attractive to another person to see that you have your owns goals, interests and hobbies. Otherwise, they feel like a woman is just looking for a handout. Start doing things that you loved to do as a child and surround yourself with people and resources that encourage you.

Expecting a man to take all your problems away is not realistic. A fulfilling relationship includes two whole people joining their personalities, goals and ambitions together for a greater purpose. Entitlement When a man pays for your meal, movie or whatever it is…always say thank you and show appreciation.

Yes, as a lady you have a right to be courted, but men still need to be respected and appreciated, not taken for granted. It is the same as when we are happier and more willing to do something when our boyfriend acknowledges our sweet notes or good cooking. Remedy : Be gracious. Start looking at your life with a grateful attitude.

Take time to appreciate the people in service positions who rarely get thanked. Count your blessings when you are sitting at a stoplight or waiting in line. It is much easier being generous to a grateful person. It is disrespectful to anyone to have your face buried in your phone throughout a conversation. Show that you know how to carry on a great conversation, are considerate of others and have good manners.

You can check it periodically, use your best judgement. There is a difference between a casual hookup buddy and a lady he takes the time to court. Remedy : If you really like a guy, allow him the chance to put his best foot forward and to pursue you. You are worth it. If it were so easy to do it with me, how many other guys has she been with? Remedy: I know our culture sends confusing messages about this causing a lot of women to believe that sex is the way to get love, but that is false.

It is the other way around. Real love is ultimately consummated in sex. This may be a double standard, but I have read multiple books concluding the same sentiment as a wide-spread truth. As a christian, my view may sound extreme to some of you. Lack of Confidence Aside from dating, people feel comfortable around confident people. Confidence is carried in your posture, your walk and the way you conduct yourself.

Perception is reality in social situations. From my experience, if you are acting confident, people will believe you and respond accordingly. In turn, you will more than likely actually start feeling confident. But I do know from personal experience that premarital sex is literally the most harmful thing you can do — not just to your body, but to your mind as well… I am disgusted by the way in which our society promotes sex and how acceptable it is nowadays.

Unfortunately, most of my encounters were unprotected but by the grace of God I did not end up with a disease. All that being said, the beginning of this year I found my way back to God and the one thing I regret over all others laziness, drugs, arrests, etc.

So I urge you, take the advice of this blog. Fight the tide of society and what it says is acceptable. Trust God and His wisdom… Sex is supposed to be for true love, and true love is found in the choice and covenant of marriage…. Good luck and God bless. I also discovered that breakups in a relationship where there was premarital sex were absolutely crushing.