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The first text is always the hardest. How long do you wait to message that cute guy from the gym? Dating columnist Dr. Nerdlove told us that you should always touch base sooner rather than later. Nerdlove recommends you text them in the same day or night to keep the emotional momentum going and to solidify yourself in their memory. Eric Klinenberg , a professor of sociology at New York University , organized hundreds of focus groups to decipher the modern dating landscape.
As Ansari and Dr. A good first text will explain who you are and reference your previous interaction in some way. That can make you over-think what you say and do on the date, instead of being your natural self. Since our whole world is so instant now, people can craft entire personas through their slew of texts.
While making plans, be as direct as possible. During their focus groups, Ansari and Dr. Make specific plans. Around 8-ish? King suggests that texts dependent on responses will leave you feeling anxious and insecure.
Did they get my text? Did I offend them somehow? Are they ignoring me? The fewer direct questions you send their way, the fewer responses you have to stress about. Nerdlove recommends you always give them plenty of time to respond and always avoid being pushy:. Unless the two of you are already having a conversation - having moved from online dating to texting, for example or from when you met - text sparingly. Good text conversation, according to Nerdlove, is like a tennis match.
When you serve the first text, wait for him to return the ball and send one back:. A good rule of thumb is to keep it to one text per response per day. Ansari and Dr. Klinenberg said that bad grammar and spelling was considered a turn off in every interview they did with focus group participants. Generally, interviewees explained that it made the sender seem unintelligent and lazy. All in all, stick to correctly-spelled words and clear language—at least at first.
The punctuation you use matters as well. It might be a good idea to stop using them in texts across the board. At the same time, an exclamation point has been shown to make messages seem more sincere. Today, overuse of texting with little phone or real life conversation has made it too easy to back out or keep feelings superficial.
So if we want a quality man to take charge while dating, we have to give him the power to. It is a sign that dating has begun taking up too much of your life, rather than a part of it. I created a free video series to help you end dating frustration forever here. So give him time to respond to a text…he could be showering, out hiking with his dog, or just taking a technology break.
And the same thing goes for you. As a general rule of thumb, if your text message is taking up more than the whole screen, it is too long. Texting is great if it comes to wishing someone good luck, checking in, or asking about a time to meet for your date. Another problem with writing long texts as a substitute for conversation is that a lot of nuances get lost in text messages. Sure, you can use emojis, but without seeing your body language or hearing the tone of your voice, a lot can get lost over text and there is a ton of space for misinterpretation.
Back in the day, which believe me I feel old saying, when you were first dating someone you had to pick up a landline and call their home number. Therefore you would think twice before doing that, which would give you an actual chance to miss each other and allow the feelings to develop.
Pretend your phone is like a land line and that sending a text message means something! If you want a guy to do his share of the work and court you, then step back to allow him to step up. A man will treat you the way you expect him to treat you. These words are for us all.