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They are family focused. Family relationships are tight knit, just Latinos, and I loved that. I admired his love for his mother, brothers and sisters and could speak endlessly about them. They are straight forward. No beating around the bush. Which to me, is quite refreshing. I like that we could discuss our thoughts and emotions as they were instead of going in circles even if the truth hurt sometimes.
They are business savvy. He was always working on some new business venture with a friend or finding a way to earn an extra dollar. He even taught me some good negotiating tactics which I use today. What are some things that surprised you?
Guys, did I completely blow your cover or am I way off? Let me know in the comments below. About Travel Destinations Work with me Contact. Back Americas Europe Eurasia. I like that we could discuss our thoughts and emotions as they were instead of going in circles even if the truth hurt sometimes 6. He even taught me some good negotiating tactics which I use today What are some things that surprised you?
But I do not want to offend him or make him think that his generosity is not appreciated. However, although I think this guy has good intentions, I worry that he is trying to "own" me by buying me so many things. However, he said that Turkish men are taught to impress a woman like this and that Turkish women expect this from them I don't know if this is true!!
He seems pretty Westernized in some aspects. I was really worried about coming across as an easy, American girl, so I tried to not show a lot of skin in public, but he has traveled a lot outside of Turkey so I think that it doesn't really bother him. He is Muslim, but non-practicing. Anyway, what can I expect in a relationship with a Turkish man? My guy seems very sweet and although he says that all Turkish men are jealous, I have never seen him get jealous or controlling.
What do Turkish men want out of a relationship with an American girl? I am very independent and I worry if that is a problem. I just want to understand that cultural differences I can expect so that I can understand them and work through them.
Also, he plans on staying in the US to work. He is in the process of getting his PhD. In all honesty, if you want to understand his culture, you would need to visit Turkey, and experience it with your own eyes, and then talk to him about things that don't sit right with you, to see where he's coming from.
Obviously, it will depend on his upbringing and his family's expectations of him, which you might only really understand if you visit. It was our 12 year wedding anniversary yesterday, I met my husband in Istanbul, and he visited my family in England before we got engaged. Hi Chica and welcome from me too. It's hard to generalise really, some Turkish men will spoil their girl friends and some don't same as American men I guess.
What can you expect from him as a Turk, again, it hard to say and would say that Sue was spot on really. To understand your man more, should the relationship get more serious in time, before you commit you should visit and stay with his family in Turkey and see how they interact with one another as you will get an insight as to how they live and understand a different side to him.
Although it is far too early to think about a future together you can ask him about what he thinks about the lives of Turkish woman and the role they play, it would be a fair question to ask as an American woman you would be curious to know. Turkish men can be jealous and controlling by not all, but as your relationship is fairly new those signs may appear later but then they may not.
Thanks for the feedback everyone! I have tried to learn a little bit about his culture. So far, most of the stuff has been pretty basic. I know most of the Turkish population is Muslim but he is not practicing , he took me to a Turkish restaurant to show me the food, we've made Turkish tea together, I watched "My Father My Son" with him, and I understand that family is of extreme importance in Turkey. Some of the aspects of Turkish culture like the strong family unit remind me of the Hispanic culture that I have studied!
When it comes to relationships, he says that Turkish women expect more out of their men, but that it decreases over time. So a guy might go all out when he is trying to get a girl to be his girlfriend, but a few months in, he might not try as hard. I've asked him about the role of women in Turkey, and as far as I know, they are pretty liberated. They are Muslim, but have a lot more freedom than most Muslim women.
While they are expected to take care of the kids and the house like in the US , the majority of them work. I think it is also a generational thing. This guy is in his 20's, and he said that in campuses, college kids are a lot more liberated. Hookah is also really common in the culture, but he tried to stop smoking And congrats on passing so many happy years with your Turkish husband!
Do you speak Turkish as well? My Turkish husband and I are in our 13th year of marriage, but I can't really offer any more than the excellent advice already given here. The only thing I would advise though, if the relationship appears to be getting serious, is for you both to set some groundrules based on the differences in both cultures Every now and then we hear a story about how a village has bucked the trend and started a womens' cooperative making or doing something but these sorts of stories are very few and far between.
As Antelope says you will have to set ground rules if your relationship is going to continue, particularly if you are going to come and live with him here in Turkey. It would be a good idea for you to read some of the posts in the Romantic Relationships and Marriage and Divorce forums to get more of an idea of the problems that crop up.
Having said all that I wish you well with your Turkish boyfriend and hope he will be all you want him to be. I think that if you browse through the romantic relationship forum and the marriage forum you may get a better idea of the culture, especially if you look at this thread although it's rather long. Sorry Chica but I disagree, maybe in the cities a lot of women go out to work but in Turkey as a whole the majority do not.
Their "liberation" is not the sort of liberation that you have in the U. I agree with Cukurbagli about the situation of women and work. Many of the women with whom I have spoken do not see working for someone else as liberating.
They are pleased that the little their husbands earn is enough for them to to able to spend time cleaing their own houses instead of cleaning someone else's. Apart from teachers who, unlike in most Western countries, are highly respected, working women are at best pitied and at worst looked down on. As for relationships, part of the tingle of a new relationship is all that asking questions and sharing and finding out about each other.
Take your time, you will definitely find good advice here but your boyfriend is the only one who is going to provide you to the answers to your questions. Also, I am studying to be a Spanish teacher So maybe that changes things! I don't really believe in splitting bills, but rather taking turns paying. But so far he has paid for everything, and I feel bad for not paying! Also you could read these newspapers to give you idea of what happens in Turkey.
You will find that one paper leans to the left and the other to the right of politics. I could kind of see family values in the movie "My Father My son" I can't remember the name in Turkish! It was interesting to see how incredibly close the family was and how important family is in Turkey. My boyfriend also told me that at Turkish weddings, the man has to drink a cup of coffee after the bride pours salt in it Supposedly it symbolizes how the man should respect the woman in the marriage and not complain.
I quite liked that :DAlso, he said that Turkish men generally respect women for everything that they do: cooking, cleaning, and sometimes having a job. I am crafty and take care of myself laundry, cooking, etc. He said that he is expected to give a lot of gifts when he returns home to Turkey for a short vacation. He is also used to spending a lot of money. I, on the other hand, am frugal and save a lot. If I really want something, I buy it, but I think about it a lot first!
Where I live in Turkey the coffee isn't drunk at the wedding it happens before when the families meet to discuss a possible engagement. The girl will make coffee to impress the propective inlaws, she can sometimes put salt into the boyfriends coffee either to test him or to show that she isn't in agreement with the engagement.
In some cases if the girl makes the coffee badly she can be turned down as a perspective bride. Yes, family is very important in Turkey and I've found that the bond between mother and son is usually very strong. Gifts, I often wonder if its just about showing how well they have done in their new country. Unfortunately, the giving of gifts can get out of hand but that is a whole different topic.
Oh my goodness. That coffee we had. I thought it tasted strange. So mrs fil was trying to tell me something, perhaps subconsciously. She said it was because she is culinary challenged. To find out after all these years I think in your case if it wasn't her culinarily skills at fault she was testing you to see if you were made of sterner stuff, You obviously passed the test :. Hi ChicaI'm a little late adding to your thread, as I just got back from Turkey to Uk last week, and have been settling back home and catching up.
I'm a relative newly wed to some of the others here - I've been married to my Turkish hubby for 5 years. Giving you my take on 'Turkish Culture' would probably take ages, and probably be useless to you. In the end, you make your own culture in a relationship. The generational differences you wonder about are more apparent in some areas than others. There's a good chance that if you visit a village, you'll see that most girls move from their mother's house to their marital home - or maybe even to their mother-in-law's house - and they would expect to lead quite a domesticated life of housekeeping and visiting family.
As someone has said already, there's no substitute for actually going over there for a visit when the time is right. Visiting your boyfriend's family may give you an insight into the sort of family roles that he envisages - but then again, having expanded his own horizons, he may choose to live differently to them! Still, it helps build the picture of what has made him the person he is. A member of the forum I run for girls with Turkish partners sorry for the blatant plug!
She's over in Turkey at the moment, having just had their Turkish wedding and staying with the family for the first time. You could either look out for her on the site see the link below in my signature , or I could put you in touch with each other if you like. But don't feel obliged - just if you think it might help.
I wish you luck in your relationship. I know many girls who having met a Turkish man have a real thirst and curiosity for all things Turkish - but in the end, I think it's good to see faults and pitfalls as well as seeing the good things. Every culture has its good and bad aspects. Wow, you've asked so many questions that it's difficult to know where to start.
Firstly, what I would say to you is, try to keep your feet on the ground and let things take their natural course. You've only been dating this man for just over a month, and as he works such long hours - and there is a language barrier - you'd do much better in getting to know him as a person by going out with him and sharing time together, than by trying to find out every nook and cranny about his culture - when he doesn't even intend on living in Turkey - and is hoping to settle in the US.
I know it's natural to want to discover a little about someone's culture when you start dating someone from a different country, but only having known him for a month I get the impression you're focusing too much on his background, almost as though you're banking on spending the rest of your life with him.
It seems terribly quick to want to know all the ins and outs of his culture at such an early stage. I know you say there's a lnaguage barrier between you both, but really, the onus is on him to learn your language - he's the one who wants to settle in the US out of interest, what is he reading for his PhD and what language is he studying it in? It's also him who needs to learn about your culture and how he'll have to adapt to living and settling in the US.
Of course, if your relationship continues, deepens and becomes serious, then you will want to know about his family background etc - just as you would any man. But trying to learn about this man by studying Turkish culture is pointless: he's an individual and you can't lump all Turkish men in the same boat. Some are very Westernised and some are not; some are very liberal and some are very staunch.
And with all due respect, finding out how to make good Turkish coffee is not going to make him fall in love with you - he'll just think you're a good coffee maker. I can tell you now that my partner who I've been with for 7 years doesn't rate my Turkish cooking skills, but he still loves me despite that, and he still respects me.
When you said your boyfriend told you that Turkish men respect women who cook, clean and go out to work, I'm inclined to think it's more to do with them liking them to clean and cook, than respecting them for it. So if you don't mind me saying this, I'd be a little wary of that statement of his. It sounds like he's letting you know now what he expects from a wife, and he's sweetening it by saying it's a 'respect thing'. Regarding him paying for you when you go out on dates, all men the world over usually like and expect to pay.
There can be instances where the woman does pay her share, but as a general rule the man likes to foot the bill. So I don't see that as strange or abnormal. In certain circumstances a couple may split the bill, but usually it's the man who pays, so you should stop concerning yourself with that. Besides, he has no qualms about paying, so why are you so worried about it? Just enjoy it. He wants to pay - so let him.
It's his choice. As for him buying you an evil eye, shawl and a shirt for your birthday - I don't think that's excessive. Incidentally, where did he purchase them from?
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