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Eight: In the old days, it was common, and common sense, to say that, if you sleep with someone, you are also sleeping with everyone he's slept with. Nowadays, it's common sense to remember that, if you sleep with someone who's in a Step program, you are also sleeping with everyone in his Home Group.
Be prepared to be judged by all the members of the orgy. Nine: If you've met the guy online and have never met in person, and if his entire chat so far has been about how amazingly hot you are and how amazingly much he's into you and how he's quite certain you're the guy for him, he will hate you within 20 minutes of your date and you will never hear from him again. If you request an explanation, he will call you a stalker and block you from any social media sites you might share.
Ten: While it's nice to have a grasp of current events and knowledge of local culture, it's no longer a first-date pre-requisite. However, if you don't have an immediate answer for "Do you want to get married? Eleven: Contrary to popular belief, opinions are not like assholes, because in today's gay world, assholes are glorious and sexy and displayed prominently in photos sent to you from potential suitors.
Opinions on a date are more like your lesbian best friend: We know she's important to you and we're glad you have her, but we have no idea why you'd want to introduce us to her on a first meeting and turn the evening into a serious downer. Twelve: If you do opt to discuss current events, avoid anything so controversial it will destroy potential chemistry, like Crimea, Obama's job performance, or the relevance of HBO's "Looking.
Thirteen: Fashions change, so know the basics: No flip-flops, no shaving, and, even if it is after Memorial Day, absolutely no white underwear. Fourteen: If you like the guy and want things to go well, put everything out on the table: HIV status, views on monogamy, and, for Florida residents, guns.
Fifteen: It's a sign of a true gentleman if you walk him to his door and he says it's too soon for you to come inside. It's also more than likely a sign that he still lives with his on-again off-again ex. Sixteen: If, in the heat of the moment, you do find yourself in bed together after the date, remember to keep the foreplay going for at least 30 minutes. This allows ample time for intimate kisses, exploring each other's body, and for the Cialis to kick in.
Seventeen: Sadly, gay men are self-centered and narcissistic, so instead of talking about your abusive childhood upbringing and triumph over Legionnaires disease, read this piece over and over and out loud until I'm so happy I wet myself. We're a match! US Edition U. Coronavirus News U. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes. For the most part, gay men are like everyone else on the dating scene. They're looking for affection , attention and love.
Like their straight counterparts, gay men also desire connection, companionship and commitment. Unfortunately, the gay dating pool is viciously competitive. So, instead of fighting over the newest man meat on Grindr, I recommend these practical tips for gay men:. Get in the game. Sitting on the sidelines will get you nowhere. Either play the gay dating game or get out of the other gay guys' way!
This doesn't mean you have to play every day. The goal is for the single gay community to know you're in circulation. Try something new. Try a sparkling, new approach to gay dating. That is, if you've been doing the same thing and expecting a different result, then change detergents, add some fabric softener and try a new way of putting yourself out there.
Going to the same coffee shop, grocery store and gym leads to the same scenery and the same results. So instead, change it up! Step out of the box. You love to run, hike and go to the theater. Now what activity would be so out of the box for you, it might put you in a space to meet new guys, make friends with people who have gay friends or try a new hobby?
Think of it this way: If you can step out of the closet, you can certainly step out of your rut! Reflect what you desire. If you really want a guy who appreciates monogamy, then hanging out with people who have open relationships probably isn't the best place to meet Mr. From sex to finances and family to intellectual awareness, letting your true desires show up doesn't make you weak, weird or wacky.
It's you being truly you, so let your authentic self shine. Stop making excuses. The more you make excuses for why your gay dating life is the toilet, the less chance of it shifting in a positive way. If every date you go on with a gay guy leads you to say, "He was nice, but What's sex got to do with it?
Well, it depends on your position — no pun intended. Dating from the perspective of "it's all about sex" can pay off if that's how you truly feel. Conversely, making sex the secondary acquisition can also be a home run. Regardless of your perspective, being honest with yourself all along is my point. When you hide from your truth, it won't set you free.
Plus, being honest with yourself is a great launching pad for honesty in your relationship. Ask yourself, "So what?
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A name like "lookn4luv" is more likely to attract the romantic types than "easystevie". Even the goriest of movies never show the most graphic scene on the DVD cover. They leave something to mystery, plus they don't want to scare potential viewers away.
A man who values an intellectual thriller is not likely to rent a movie with exposed intestine on the cover. Keep the intrigue by saving the details until you and your dream man are intimate for the first time. Show a little chest or even a leg, but if you wouldn't show it in public don't show it online.
By keeping your pics on the PG or R-rated scale you're showing your suitor that you're about more than just about sex. Graphic shots may get more quantity, but it's the quality of man you're looking for. Profile headlines can be a vehicle to attract the man you want, but they can also serve as the first line of defense against the man you don't.
Think of your headline as an expanded version of your marketing screen name. Use this space usually characters long to describe your interests or the interests you desire in a man. Elaborate on where your screen name originates or try giving a catchy intro to who you are as a person. Come find out! The first example is likely to attract a guy that's into travel like you are while the second shows your prospect that you are open to dating. Use your ad section as just that- an ad!
You have a short amount of space to show your personality and call your dream guy to action. Now that your catchy screen name and headline attracted a guy, clinch the deal with your ad text. Use the list you made earlier to help you write about your interests, including what you like and dislike in a man. You can mention your education, hobbies, or quirky personality traits.
If you're a witty guy, give them a little taste. If you're the more reserved type, say so. I'm more attracted to a guy who's told me a little about himself more than one that is vague or leaves too much to wonder. How intriguing is it for a writer to find out that someone loves fiction or for a sci-fi movie lover to discover that someone has the entire Star Wars collection? These details may seem out of place for sites known for quick hookups, but relationship-oriented guys browse these sites too and your purpose is to find a date or long-term relationship which is about compatibility on levels beyond the physical.
Most online profiles ask for your age, body type, ethnicity, eye color, hair color, and height among other things. Be as specific as possible within your comfort zone, but never lie. Have you ever ordered something from a catalog and looked nothing like the picture in the brochure? Even the romantic who digs your winning personality over your physical features will see fibbing as an issue of trust.
You may not be able to grace the cover of Men's Health , but if there is anything I've learned in the gay game is that someone actually many people will find you hot! Privacy is important, but many HIV positive guys don't list their status because of the stigma that goes along with it. I had a crush on an HIV positive guy for years and the reason it didn't work out had nothing to do with his status. He had a great personality, a cool hobby, and a killer smile.
Of course, there must be communication about safer sex and health, but all couples should be cautious regardless of status. If you're comfortable listing your status, then do so knowing that it won't deter everyone. However, if you prefer not to list your results at least be sure not to lie.
You want a relationship built on trust. You and your date will have time to talk about it when appropriate, but giving him a false impression can be a quick turn off. Many profiles will ask about your sexual preferences.
Sure you may like group sex, but is that a detail you want to disclose up front? If you are looking for the more relationship oriented type of guy, you may want to emphasize that you desire friendship, a relationship or even 1-on-1 sex. Stating that you are looking for group sex or 3 ways in a profile sends a signal that you are promiscuous.
You should never lie about the things you desire and keeping it bottled up inside is not good either, but think about your audience and try to assess what information is too much too soon. Just because your dream man doesn't like to do something now, doesn't mean he's not open to the possibilities. However, keep in mind he may be turned off by your desire before getting to know you. Another popular profile question is which sexual role best fits you.
Are you a top, bottom or versatile? It sounds crazy to some people but you should WANT to give your partner a relationship they want, too. It is a good list. And red flag doesn't always mean run. It can just be cautionary. You might want to pursue the friendship, if you are getting along well in other ways. There are lots of other reasons to go out with someone, often repeatedly. I use dating to get to know people, and to sort out what kinds of friendship are possible. A primary relationship is only one of them, and it's not very near the top of the probable list.
Of course, this is on the "Paired Life" site. But even so, it seems a bit narrow, perhaps especially so for gay men. I just had a three hour dinner date and the whole conversation revolved around his life, his job, his ex, his cat his family, etc. I agree with most of them.
This was awesome. I should go with my gut more. I have been single 12 years now and I am wondering if love is ever going to happen again for me. If it does at least I know what to look out for. Also it such a shame for some people who are always waiting to criticize others for everything they do instead of supporting and use their common sense to correct where it wrong don't you know those who criticize others often are not perfect? I'm one of those guy that the red flag type I want to change my attitude.
I want to hook up with guys or try to flirt with just to hook up with them. I read this and said some of this true. I really change. One thing to pay attention to is if they ask s lot if personal questions you aren't comfortable speaking about. And when they seem to be pushing you to go in s direction you don't want to. Here's a good one. Thanks, Bruce for stopping by. Sorry to hear of your relationship woes. Good point on the escorts! Rather than being blinded by looks,my downfall was deciding he was 'the one' the first time we met.
After years of feeling less than and compensating for his shortcomings- I am finally working on myself. To meet the rite guy I need to be the person I would be attracted to- not the messi became. Lastly, the comment by Pookie is a prime example of guys 'not ready to date'. If getting off is the only concern, then great for them. Genuine page. Don't listen to the negative comments, those guys must have been through a lot, are wounded and heart broken and still need to come to terms with the red flag signs they'd failed on noticing before.
Things aren't easy with dating, we all know that and I give them credit for that. Don't give up though. Advice on pages like these genuinely helps. He always asked me if i am going to his house and often open up conversations about sex. I love it and so dead true. I've been guilty of the last one but just so I can get it on before saying bye.
I have adhered to most of these but not until I reached the wise age of forty something. Jean, I like your sense of humor! Yes - there is a lot of comedy in this post but some people were unable to see this. Others however picked up on it right away like you! Of course, behind every giggle is a little truth. I thought that a lot of this advice is great for all couples, not only gay ones.
After a quick scan of some of the comments, it appears some people don't get your sense of humor :. It's OK, they're Republicans. Keven, just wanted you to know I read your response here and I think we all gained from your insight. Thanks so much and I am sorry to hear what happened in the relationship you discussed here. Truly stinks man. Easy poll since only one correct answer. I've never had a hookup, never will but I have had sex on the first date once before which in that case ended up in a two decade long relationship.
I was blinded by love. I loved him, he loved my money at the time. When I got sick with a health problem no one can catch and things looked bad for a year, he dumped me for a guy 15 years younger than he is! Careful of those first impressions! They might be dangerously wrong but sex on first date would be out for me now that I know better even if sparks are there for potential LTR.
As a rule, gays do not date. We hook up and then need to look for the next best, younger, richer, more handsome man. The gays that date are usually deplorable physically or emotionally possibly both and over No self-respecting gay wants anyone over 30 unless they are rich and have a hot body. I read the "disclaimer," but WOW. In some parts of the country, the only places you can go and not be stared at by the overly homophobic who by the way where I live have thrown homophobic insults at me for holding the hand of my autistic son IS a gay bar.
And that brings me to my second point: There are some of us out here with children with disabilities. And specifically with autism, my son's "severe" kind though I'm loathe to use the term "severe , when I got divorced my ex wife and I had long discussions about living arrangements as my son would have his entire sense of himself in the world ruined if one of us weren't living here.
I am living with my ex and truly not in a relationship with her. As a matter of fact, she got engaged this past week, and everyone involved gets along great, and I'm proud to say I introduced them to each other. They are great together! And he is going to make a fantastic step-dad! But beyond that fact, this is If I were to move out, I am in the financial position where I'd be able to afford it.
I am well aware that me sharing a house with my ex as well as having a son with a disability makes me "undatable" to most gay men: trust me, they've told me. What's disappointing is that this article is telling me the same thing. What's more disappointing is that many good men out there in the world will be told the same thing due to their life circumstances.
What's sad is that you're bolstering that prejudice by telling them the same thing. I am full aware that I will die single because of this fact about myself. Though, for the record, each of the three men I've had serious relationships all called me within a year to ask if we can get back together.
I did with one, I didn't with the other two. But if I am single for the rest of my life, that's my duty as a parent and my love for him is greater than my own desires. I'm just disappointed that an otherwise perfect guy I can name three of my friends who are in the same position as me, all AMAZING, unbelievably hunky guys who are all several states away from me like the friends I just talked about parenthetically will never be given a chance other than being a toy for someone else's sexual desire.
I do realize there's a "disclaimer," as I said, but given your emphasis on not only that but a few other things I found honestly to be ridiculous. I don't say this to insult you though in fairness you did insult me , I say this to inform you that not all men who love men are the same, and that's the real tragedy of gay culture in general and this article which ironically I find you as a writer to be contradictory in fault : the "mental shopping list" and "car loan application" you rail against.
I pass with flying colors all the time, until they find out I care for someone else's happiness more than my own's. Supposedly that's what everyone searching for love is looking for- a selfless loving guy. Perhaps that's the ultimate irony of not only my dating experiences but this article.
I don't think it is any stretch when I observe that you hate republicans and you have systematically avoided the central question to my rebuttle. By so doing, it's also obvious that you prefer cheap smears and name calling to reasoned debate. In the early days of the struggle for our equality, activists knew that silence equals death. They knew the way forward required that we communicate what we wanted, needed and why. Because of Ken and Ben twin brothers, maybe?
Mark Steyn understands this In the march for equality, we all have a role to play! I cannot see how equality can be achieved while this community harbors such divisions. We cannot move forward while leaving Republicans behind. Great article! Shared with some friends.
I see you caught the attention of the wingers because one has appeared on your commentary board. What a judgmental and hetero-normative screed! Have you thought that someone just wants a long-term fuck bud? Or to get laid after a relationship is actually therapeutic? You still failed to answer the central question to my rebuttle, "If a gay Republican is not worthy of love and acceptance and collectively the community represented in this article rejects all gay republicans, is that community worthy of love and acceptance from the gay republican or his broader community, the GOP?
To put it in terms that you might understand, the absence of love is hate, so wasn't the article, in some part, really about hate and the prejudices of the author to begin with? I loved the article and thought you hit all of the important points. Yes, there are generalizations but in an article like this I would expect that. At least he put something out there for gay men and first dates and not the usual crap we see around the Internet. I read the ignorant and hostile remark made by Herman Nilsson and just about puked.
Hollywood is saying IF a guy says he is "straight acting" and pretends or denies that he is gay, then the guy is engaging in internalized homophobia. I did not read Mr, Hollywood said republicans or anyone else could not be loved. And how can a person truly love another if they don't love themselves first. If a gay man supports rabidly anti-gay candidates, that says a lot about who they are.
It's like a black person supporting political candidates who support a "southern strategy" or latinos supporting candidates who are anti-Hispanic. For the record, I once dated a man just like this. It was terrible. He constantly made cracks against fellow gays, bragged how he supported like Rick Santorum and make sure he went to chic-fillet so that people would see the cup he was drinking out of.
He was one of the most self-loathing gay men I have ever met. Not sure how long the author will let the hateful post Nillson stay up because it looks like someone is trying to flame the discussion. I just wanted to be a voice here to push back against a political troll. I dated a guy who was and never saw him again. I pondered whether to make this post for the last day, but it has to be said - this post describes perfectly why Republicans should hate gays.
The advice in this article is reasonable, until you get to item 7 - he says he's straight acting, and another point is, "He identifies as a die hard republican and supports anti-gay candidates. Face it, gays come in all shapes, sizes, creeds, cultures and even political persuasions. In fact, gays have been out and organizing within the Republican Party for more than 35 years through the Log Cabin Republicans.
There are so many reasons why a gay would consider involving themselves in the GOP, would choose to organize in support of equality inside of the Republican Party and would strongly support a Republican Candidate - even one that you might consider to be anti-gay. For example, the "Give a Damn" campaign contrasts gay rights with the plight of starving kids in the third world and demands that if the picture of two men kissing on the left shocks you more than a picture of starving kids on the right you need to revise your view on immorality.
What the author is suggesting in this article is that a gay republican is somehow not worthy of his love and acceptance, and continues to counsel that that a gay republican is not worthy of your love acceptance. This of course begs the question, "If a gay Republican is not worthy of love and acceptance and collectively the community represented in this article rejects all gay republicans, is that community worthy of love and acceptance from the gay republican or his broader community, the GOP?
I think many could relate having dated with someone from each of these, if not numerous in one person! Mister Hollywood you rocked it with this article and hit all of the points I have messed up on over the years. Thanks man! I thought this was a pretty good article, except for the frequent use of the word "Run! You don't have to run. You can walk away calmly. I just want to know who kisses someone while looking into their eyes.
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