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The impression you're getting from social media or a dating profile isn't necessarily representative of a person exactly as they are. Just keep in mind that idealizing them based on that isn't fair and isn't in either of your best interests. You need to communicate clearly about your feelings, expectations, and even communicating itself.
It does mean you need to talk about how often you want to talk, and a whole lot of other things, too. If you both have interrogated your feelings about what you want from this romance and can be honest about your expectations, needs, and wants, it makes everything run a lot more smoothly. Meredith Russo, a novelist based in Brooklyn, met her current partner, who lives in Wisconsin, via her Discord server. When entering a long-distance relationship with someone she's met online which she has done a few times.
Russo, 33, lays out her boundaries and expectations as early as possible. Be it changing your location preferences on one of the dating apps, striking up a conversation in the chats of servers like Discord, or just a good old-fashioned DM slide: There are as many methods of meeting someone on the internet as there are ex-girlfriends of mine at a Mitski concert.
My personal preference has always been towards that most classic of lesbian dating habitats—social media—not only for the simplicity of its use, but for the bounty of love it has brought into my life. And I think that's true, at least for me! Two years ago, I met my partner Jessica over Instagram after she found some meme I made about being a bottom. Our chemistry was instant. In meeting Jes on Instagram, I got to see what mutual acquaintances we had and how she interacted with the community around her.
Her posts also gave me an understanding of what she finds funny bottoming memes and how she sees herself via, of course, astrology posts. After four months interacting both directly in a one-on-one way and on an app based around promoting art and thirst traps, our interactions on and off social media had given me a clearer understanding of what she was about. Others VICE spoke to about long-distance online relationships had similar experiences in getting to know their partners via social media.
Erin had been Twitter mutuals with Gwen for a while before the two actually started talking and things went from friendly to flirty. Both of their last names have been omitted for their privacy. Since Erin lived in Michigan and Gwen was in Oregon, they were hesitant to take it any further, but as the two spent more time talking and playing video games online together, their feelings only intensified.
Kate Sloan is a year old sex writer based out of Toronto who met her partner, Matt, three years ago after Matt slid into her DMs flirting over one of her blog posts. When Sloan did travel to New York a while later, the two met up and hit it off immediately. While neither had intended to spark a long-distance romance, both agreed the chemistry was palpable and that they wanted to continue seeing each other in some capacity. For the first few years of their relationship, they developed a routine of nightly phone calls and a monthly weekend visit.
Russo, explaining her experiences with her partner in Wisconsin and those she's dated online otherwise, said that distanced romances can help her acclimate herself to new partners. Watch TV shows and movies together. Get to know each other better by sharing each of your favorite films and shows. Setting viewing dates to watch a series as it airs can be a great way to have weekly quality time with each other.
Play video games together. The interactivity of video games can keep your quality time from becoming too sedate. For those who aren't sure where to start, there are plenty of games that are newbie-friendly, like Animal Crossing , Fall Guys , and Among Us. Do domestic tasks while chatting.
Try having your partner on the phone or video while you two are each preparing dinner, then sitting down to eat together. Invite friends to hang out with you on a video chat. Include your partner in your weekly Zoom watch party with friends. Invite them to play Dead by Daylight or Smash Bros.
Welcome them to your community Discord server. Or, would you consider a two-hour train ride a huge inconvenience, given your need to be with your beau? And last but certainly not least is the matter of trusting someone's authenticity when you haven't actually — you know — met.
After all, you've seen Catfish , right? Gunsaullus says. Also, it's hard to assess sexual chemistry if you haven't spent time together. Still, there are some red flags you can look out for through your correspondence. Varma says that flakiness, unreliability, canceling potential meet-ups, and telling stories that don't add up should raise your suspicious.
And in general, she advises, you should always trust your gut. Also, Dr. Threadgill notes, it can be easy to experience a false sense of security after just a few days of continuous messaging — and that's not always a good thing. But with all this in mind, the experts agree that starting a long-distance relationship with someone you met online isn't automatically a bad idea. In fact, it can be incredibly fulfilling for those who proceed with caution and are willing to make some sacrifices.
Gunsaullus shares her final thoughts: "If you have a connection with someone that feels particularly special, unique, and supportive in a way you haven't been able to find in your home area, then maybe you want to give it a shot. By Karen Tietjen. Search Close.