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First and foremost, dating is a time when a Christian finds out if his or her potential marriage partner is also a believer in Christ. The Bible warns us that believers and unbelievers should not marry each other, because those living in the light of Christ and those living in the darkness cannot live in harmony 2 Corinthians As stated before, during this time there should be little or no physical contact, as this is something that should wait until marriage 1 Corinthians Courtship takes the position that the two people have no physical contact at all no touching, no hand-holding, no kissing until marriage.
Many in a courtship relationship will not spend any time together unless family members, preferably parents, are present at all times. In addition, courting couples state up front that their intentions are to see if the other person is a suitable potential marriage partner.
Courtship advocates claim that courtship allows for the two people to truly get to know each other in a more platonic setting without the pressures of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their view. There are problems inherent with both styles. For daters, spending time alone with a member of the opposite sex whom we find attractive can present temptations that can be very hard to resist.
The Christian dating couple must have boundaries in place and be committed to not crossing them. If they find this hard to do, they must take steps to ensure that Christ will always be honored during their time together and that sin is never given a chance to take hold of their relationship. Of course, the courtship style presents its own set of difficulties.
While many courtship advocates see it as the only choice for finding a mate, others find it oppressive and overly controlling. In many countries and cultures around the world, however, having one spouse is not the only form of marriage. In a majority of cultures 78 percent , polygamy , or being married to more than one person at a time, is accepted Murdock , with most polygamous societies existing in northern Africa and east Asia Altman and Ginat Instances of polygamy are almost exclusively in the form of polygyny.
Polygyny refers to a man being married to more than one woman at the same time. The reverse, when a woman is married to more than one man at the same time, is called polyandry. The reasons for the overwhelming prevalence of polygamous societies are varied but they often include issues of population growth, religious ideologies, and social status. While the majority of societies accept polygyny, the majority of people do not practice it. Often fewer than 10 percent and no more than 25—35 percent of men in polygamous cultures have more than one wife; these husbands are often older, wealthy, high-status men Altman and Ginat The average plural marriage involves no more than three wives.
Negev Bedouin men in Israel, for example, typically have two wives, although it is acceptable to have up to four Griver As urbanization increases in these cultures, polygamy is likely to decrease as a result of greater access to mass media, technology, and education Altman and Ginat In the United States, polygamy is considered by most to be socially unacceptable and it is illegal.
The act of entering into marriage while still married to another person is referred to as bigamy and is considered a felony in most states. It is estimated that there are about 37, FLDS involved in polygamy in the United States, Canada, and Mexico, but that number has shown a steady decrease in the last years Useem Muslims, however, are an emerging group with an estimated 20, practicing polygamy. Again, polygamy among U. Muslims is uncommon and occurs only in approximately 1 percent of the population Useem For now polygamy among U.
Courtship is the traditional dating period before engagement and marriage or long term commitment if marriage is not allowed. During a courtship, a couple or group gets to know each other and decides if there will be an engagement. Courting includes activities such as dating where couples or groups go together for some activity e.
Courting can also take place without personal contact, especially with modern technology. Virtual dating, chatting on-line, sending text messages, conversing over the telephone, instant messaging, writing letters, and sending gifts are all modern forms of courting. Courtship varies both by time period and by region of the world. One way courtship varies is in the duration; courting can take days or years. In the United Kingdom, a poll of 3, engaged or married couples suggested an average duration between first meeting and engagement of 2 years and 11 months.
While the date is fairly casual in most European-influenced cultures, in some traditional societies, courtship is a highly structured activity, with very specific formal rules. In some societies, the parents or community propose potential partners, and then allow limited dating to determine whether the parties are suited in fact, this was common in the U.
In more closed societies, courtship is virtually eliminated altogether by the practice of arranged marriages, where partners are chosen for young people, typically by their parents or in the absence of parents local authorities. Forbidding experimental and serial courtship and sanctioning only arranged matches is partly a means of guarding the chastity of young people and partly a matter of furthering family interests, which in such cultures may be considered more important than individual romantic preferences.
Another variation of courtship is the bundling tradition, which likely originated in Scandinavia and was carried to the U. Bundling involved potential mates spending the night together in the same bed, though the couple was not supposed to engage in sexual relations. This practice ceased in the late 19th Century. In earlier centuries, young adults were expected to court with the intention of finding marriage partners, rather than for social reasons.
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