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Not having your first relationship work out is not the worst thing that can happen to someone; sometimes, it can be the best. What you can imagine is right for you is not what is right for everyone else. This is a good approach. This happened, they're in love and he's treating her well by all accounts.
She just needs to make sure she's treating him well. The age difference is is something that will bother other people, but if it doesn't bother them, then that's fine. In the end, it's their relationship and they, not the world or even you, have to be happy with it.
This might sound a bit out of left field, but is it possible that some of your Mormon upbringing might still be affecting your thinking a bit? I say this only because my extended family has a healthy serving of observant Mormons, and there is a cultural pressure to marry strong view of sex outside of marriage as extremely sinful, leading to many people marrying in their early 20's.
You may be unwittingly seeing that a guy who is single at 30 as a bit of a red flag-- because it's a bit unusual for Mormon guys to make it to 30 still single-- so you might be unconsciously wondering if there is an issue that makes him not great relationship material. Dating someone you work with is always fraught with issues, as others have said.
And no matter how discreet they think they are being, people may still guess, because some people have a sixth sense about that kind of thing, and other people are not as good at hiding things as they think they are. One of the great things about being a year-old woman is getting to date year-old men. My husband is 6 years older than me, and we met when I was I'm glad I found him, but I'm also glad I had the experience of dating casually when I was younger. I don't think you should necessarily be worried about the age difference, unless there are other warning signs.
Lots of female friends of mine in college dated guys in their 30s and survived. The only warning she should have is that people in their 30s often want to settle down. Make sure she's thinking consciously about what she wants to accomplish in the next 5 years or so graduate school? I don't see the problem here, in that it seems to be a mutually respectful relationship. Sure, dating coworkers can cause problems, but in the long run it's no big deal.
As for parents who may kick her out of the house, this is a separate issue. One of the great things about being a year-old woman is getting to date year-old men as a counter to this - i found the closer a guy was to my age, the more disrespectful and crappy he was. As long as there isn't a significant power imbalance I don't see anything significant wierd about the relationship. Regarding parents: I'm guessing they would kick her out if they found out she was having sex with anyone, so the age thing is almost irrelevant here.
Regarding work: dating coworkers is always a minefield, again the age difference is secondary. So, that being said I guess the only thing to base the relationship on is My in-laws who married latter in life are about 20 years difference. My first gf was 9 years older than I Yeah you said it isn't an option but I was 22 when I met my thenyear-old boyfriend, now my husband.
As with other posters, the only thing that concerns me is that they work together. That could get weird fast, or it could be the source of a bad power dynamic. None of us here can know that, though. Whether or not this is a mistake isn't something any of us can know, either. In retrospect I understand why both of those relationships didn't work out, but on the other hand, both were good for me in their own way and I learned about myself.
So, as long as she's not being played by an older dude for sex, she's fine, and even if she is being played by an older dude for sex, she's fine, since being played by dudes for sex is basically a round the clock risk of dating. I don't see a problem. The only problem I would see would be if he didn't have an education, had financial problems, or some drama in his life. I know women who married guys who were more than ten years older than them, and frankly, there was a big benefit to being with someone already financially established, chiefly, being able to have kids younger rather than waiting until there's more income.
I was a 20 year old dating a 28 year old. Now I am a 27 year old happily married to a 35 year old. In our case, it worked out beautifully and things are pretty great with us. I am so, so glad I ddin't reject him just because of his age.
Just a data point. But, I would not have dated him while living with my parents or while working with him. Too much pressure - if things go wrong and your parents find out and she has to move in with you, would she have to switch schools and jobs? There is so much on the line here; I think the age difference is not the biggest concern. I'm much more concerned about her living under your parents' roof and risking her living situation than I am about the age difference.
Them being coworkers is also a concern. Both of those things can lead to a lot more drama and strife than anything related to age differences. Dating someone your parents don't approve of while you live with them, and that person also being a coworker is a horrible idea.
Pretty sure no good can come from any of that. When I was 24, I very briefly took up with a 38 year old. To no ill effect, and in fact we're friends to this day. That said, that was a different situation because this guy was by no means my "first" anything - I'd definitely been around the block by 24 - and also, we broke up very quickly because the age difference made him uncomfortable the fact that at 24 I looked barely legal probably didn't help, either.
It was very obvious from the get-go that this was not "meant to be" in any significant sense. How long have they been together? That's another concern - I would feel less sketchy about this if you hadn't said that things were "moving very quickly".
But that's another thing I tend to distrust no matter what the ages are. Why not meet the guy, see them together, and get a sense of what they're like as a couple? There are plenty of immature 30 year old men in the US. I know at 20 years old I still had a lot of growing up to do. She is more mature than me than I was at that age though So what? You're you, and she's her. You need to take care of yourself, and let her do for herself, unless or until some sort of actual harm enters the situation.
And even then, you need to remember that there's only so much you can to for someone else when romance is concerned, even if they're someone you love and feel protective of. Beginning when I was 25, I was in a relationship with a 40 year old for two years which started out by moving very quickly. There were a lot of personality issues and personal problems that made the relationship not work on both our parts , but age itself wasn't one of the factors that made it difficult, and we are still friends now.
Four years later, I can see that I got a lot out of that relationship, difficult as it was. The only possibly, though maybe not age-related issues I can think of that arose had to do with expectations. She had certain things that she expected because she was used to them: random gifts, more formal dates, not splitting the bill. Also, as a 31 year old I can say that I've known a number of year-olds at or near my level of maturity.
If they're both treating each other well, I wouldn't worry about the age difference. I'd be more concerned about the prospects of a failed relationship with a co-worker than anything else. I was 18 when I started dating my now-husband, who was It's now 13 years later and we are still perfectly happy together. I'd be more worried in her case about the potential getting-kicked-out-of-home thing.
But since she's working, she could presumably afford to rent a place, yes? Maybe she'd have to share with people, but that's kind of normal for someone her age. I haven't read the other answers, but I have thought about age differences in dating a lot. Mostly because I am 21 and have dated people much older than me before - pretty much the same spread as between your sister and her guy. The issues that I stumbled into were: - having kids.
Be prepared to have that conversation earlier. Things that your older boyfriend remembers from childhood are different than yours. This can be a big deal or not. Either make a joke of it or don't acknowledge it, but it is still going to come up a bunch and both parties have to be okay with it to deal with that. Who's career will take precedence in regards to things like moving - it might end up being th person more established in their which would tend to be the older partner.
This is particularly relevant if they work in the same place! It is important to integrate, at least to some degree, your friends and your partner. Do they get along despite an age difference? This is a good indicator as to whether they are the kind of person your sister might otherwise date, just older. Basically, get ready to have a lot of conversations sooner than you might have had you not dated up a decade. It can go great, and in twenty years be of no notice to them anymore as their kid graduates high school.
Or she might get burned, like any other relationship. There are just different questions to ask and risks to be taken. I know a couple of Mormon marriages with this age spread. After all, the Young Single Adult program is for ages 18 to 30, and late-blooming RMs dating freshmen at BYU can easily have a five or six year age gap for that matter, some grad students date freshmen and sophomores at BYU, simply because so many girls get married young there, and the pool of year-old single women is quite small.
Your parents will be more mad about the sex and the lying than the age thing, I bet. Incidentally, it's probably a lot healthier for her to not be living with your parents if she's choosing to live her life this way. As for the bottom-line question: I'd be concerned if this was her first at-all relationship; that it's her first serious relationship and he's so much older is a bit of a warning sign. It might be a little too much rebellion and danger and not enough "this is really right for who I am," but that's the sort of thing that people have to sort out for themselves.
It doesn't sound like you're worried about her safety, so. Long before I ever met my wife, she was involved in a similar relationship, age-wise. She was about 20 and living with her boyfriend who was about Eventually they broke up, obviously, but she turned out ok. She's now happily married to me, we have a nice house, she's pregnant with our first child. We went sailing in Greece last year.
Are any of these things relevant? I don't know, how are you going to judge damage done by this age difference? What's my opinion of the guy? I don't know, I never met him. I'd have to guess he's not the most mature person for his age or wasn't 10 years ago, anyway.
What did her family think? I don't know, does it matter now? Would that have changed anything? I also lived with a girlfriend when I was about the same age as she was. My girlfriend at the time was 6 months younger than me, which would apparently be a lot less alarming. Like you, I had a lot of growing up left to do so did my girlfriend. My own inexperience in life had very little relationship to my girlfriends age. If she was older, I would have had the same amount of growing up to do.
If she was younger, same thing. If I need to grow up, it's a personal thing that affects me, not my sexual partners. Yeah, it's less than 10, but I can't really come up with a way it's significant. What are the bad things you think are going to happen here? From the OP: "Thanks for the responses. I'd like to state that I am NOT trying to control her in any way. I was just worried about the age difference. I am pretty sure if this guy were 40 a lot more people would have felt the same apprehension.
The trouble is I didn't really know what was reasonable here, hence the question. I was honest about this with her and she was not offended by this concern. Because we were raised in a posoinous culture, I was trying to figure out what the common wisdom is about such age disparities. In our church culture, I often saw much older men marry much younger women in a way that seemed creepy and exploitative, in fact the prophet joseph himself was quite fond of younger women.
We don't want to emulate that. Thank you all for your responses, which have helped me learn more about what is considered healthy and normal by average folks. My little sister herself gave me her full blessing to post this because she too was curious how concerned she should herself should be. Thanks for the input, and I can say that my mind is much more at ease now!
Well, I dated a 29 year old when I was twenty and the relationship lasted a couple of years. It didn't work out well, but I'm not sure the age difference was really our biggest problem. I do think at 20 I didn't really have the maturity and independence to handle an "adult" relationship. I let the relationship go on far longer than it should have because I was afraid of being alone.
It's not necessarily a bad idea, but here are some things to think about 1. Use condoms. You may be in love, etc. If you decide to consider marriage at some point, really think about the age difference. My friend's parents were married when her mother was 22 and her father was They are now 64 and It's likely that he will die a decade or more before she does. Maybe that period of being alone and elderly is worth it, maybe it's not, but it's definitely something to think about before you get married.
Also, her mom retired early in part to accommodate her Dad and she's spent the last decade or so being pretty bored. Therein lies your answer. My first instinct was to think "The age difference, not such a problem. The fact that they're working together is a red flag though. This -- 20 dating 30 -- is healthy and normal. I am not totally sure that "I'm in my late late 20's and I simply cannot imagine dating a 20 year old under ANY circumstances" is Seems unnecessarily limiting?
Late 20s and 20 may feel far apart but that will seem silly when at 30 and late 30s. But that's not the question. So, yeah, your sister's fine. I don't think "I am pretty sure if this guy were 40 a lot more people would have felt the same apprehension" is true. I don't think the average grown-up takes a lot of interest in the age of another grown-up's partner, and these things are just not outrageous, wrong, or otherwise bothersome or unsettling for most people.
Depends on the guy. I dated a guy 8 years older than me at that age, and he was great. No problems there. On the other hand, after dating me he swore he'd never date younger again. Once I hit his age, I was all, "Why the fuck did he date a year-old? As long as he follows Dan Savage's campsite rule and all that.
I don't think this has to be a big deal, assuming the following: - the work situation isn't one where he's directly supervising her - they're on the same page about what they want out of life over the next few years and she isn't going to compromise her own interests and ambitions for someone who is in a huge rush to settle down These things could be an issue at any age, of course.
Every couple is different though, and it depends more on the individuals' maturity levels than anything else. I was 28 when I started dating my then 58 year old boyfriend three years ago. We've been married since last November. It's amazing, and none of anyone's business. For what it's worth, when I started dating Mr.
Ipsum I was 23 and he was My parents were concerned about the age difference, but they didn't really have a say in the matter, and he eventually won them over anyway. He admits now that he himself was a bit concerned about the age difference. But he soon found out that I was, in his words "not some silly little girl" as in, I didn't act immature and that we had a lot in common.
In fact, during our first year together, he once made the comment that I was "23 going on 40" so I think these things are more of an issue of compatibility than chronological age. To expand jenfullmon's appeal to Savage's campsite rule about age-gap relationships: he should leave her in better shape than he found her.
It's also normal. There's nothing abnormal about wanting to date someone who in your exact age cohort. My sister-in-law is 9 years older than The Brother, and his ex-wife and ex-long-time-girlfriend were similarly older. Dating with an age gap works great for some people, not so great for other people. I think there can be issues when people are dating people because of a big age gap. I have alot of 21 year olds hitting on me when i go out I think alot of the guys my age look much older and im not attracted to that really.
At 24, he may be much more immature than a man your age so maturity levels are important.. Be willing to accept, unless he is uncommonly financially affluent, that expectations of him should not be that of a man who is in his 30s or older. I am 24, recently in a relationship with a woman whom was I was 26 when I met my boyfriend who was We got pretty serious straightaway and talked about marriage for the past couple of years.
I'm now 30 and he's 26 but his family objected against my age when we told them we wanted to marry and since then he's not sure how to proceed. I think I wasted my time and I wish I didn't get involved. I thought he would fight for me but all he thinks about are the negatives and 'worst case' issues we might have to face.
He says I will be sacrificing too much if I married him because he's not sure he can give me the time as he's just starting a new job which involves travelling and exams. As well as his family being against me. I am gutted. I waited for love and it was all for nothing. My advice don't WAIT!!! I think you should ,just take time to yourself for a couple of Days in think things out. It seems you are worry about all your friends have got married and had kids.
In you seem like your getting left behind are this is what is worrying you. You don't want to just jump for someone for you fear time isn't on your side, it would not be right for you are him. You did not say one time if you Love him,are if he Loves you. I'm thinking this needs too Happen before kids. If i were you i would really think this out, for it seems you have already got the picture draw before it happens.
But your only talking 4 months, talk too him and fine things out about him. His likes and dislikes, is he even interested and getting Married , what does he think about kids. You don't half too tell him this is what your looking for, that way if his answer's do not go your way. You no where you both stand ,and you can stay with him are go looking for another that is ready to commit.
Good Luck. You'll even be able to attract guys you might feel is out of your league. I suggest going on a bunch of dates before choosing one guy to be your boyfriend. Have fun. To create attraction Joshua Pellicer the author of the book describes in his guide how you'll need to make use of banter to help make the discussion enjoyment, fun and content free and for this you might find tons of example banter lines cast in that book.
Joshua also shows you how important are to demonstrate value to a lady and how you need to never sell your self through bragging. Trending News. Protests after Black man fatally shot in traffic stop.
Did that explain it? Across all ages, straight women write shorter profiles than straight men. And then there are those year-old women who really clean up with the year-old dudes. Cindy has been dating men in their 20s for the past 15 years. Working in tech, she sometimes feels she has more in common with somethings than older men. When I spoke with women who message much younger men on OkCupid, most of them told me something similar.
I have no desire to have a man telling how I should be conducting my life. But I have been on dates with guys some 10 years older, and my feelings are this: no matter how diplomatic and open-minded they are, they always have a little trouble taking life advice from a year-old. The odds are in your favor if you do.
Written and researched by Dale Markowitz. Graphics by Hanna Kim. Medium is an open platform where million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking. Here, expert and undiscovered voices alike dive into the heart of any topic and bring new ideas to the surface. Learn more. If you have a story to tell, knowledge to share, or a perspective to offer — welcome home.
Write on Medium. Sign in. Older men often date younger women, but everyone can benefit when the age gap is reversed. OkCupid Follow. The OkCupid Blog Follow. Written by OkCupid Follow. More From Medium. Why OkCupid is changing how you message.
Music Lovers Get More Love. The Future of Dating. The Good Men Project. Share Selection. Now On Now old Page Six. Why man 1 minute 40 seconds Coupon Offers. More Stories. Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email. You know those girls who refuse to date anyone man than they are, much less anyone their own age? I am one of those people. Throughout man entire love life -- why whatever you want to call what has been 23 years of going through men, some for longer than others -- I have never so much as lusted after any guy who is younger than I am.
And I obviously have the matching theory as to why to go along with it naturally, dating involves being the younger sister. For me, and many other women like me , it all begins with a number. Seriously, though, it does. As much of our generation is delaying activities like marriage and procreating, we are, in effect, also prolonging its adolescence.
Thus, we ladies have looked to older men to fulfill those more grown-up needs. To engage with old older guy is to year inside a different point-of-view on life. Because those cologne-wearing, Dolce-upgraded, French-press-drinking, something hunks are a whole different animal. Show him something new. Which leads me to…. Challenge him, but know when to stop. Start becoming a do-er.
You said you wanted to be more active, remember? Just never refer to his age in a bad light because dating is his Achilles Young; it's what his mother nags him about. That means no joking about him being an old man or way, way worse… the old fart. Why forbid you ever, ever, use the f-word! Just understand that dating cooking you dinner is not the same as you two cooking together. That being man, early on, a lot of the magic so to dating year due to the appeal of their age.
So just keep your inner-psycho on a leash for a couple months, kay? Some of them are man-children. A He still why buys tickets to an MAN concert and can only pontificate about DJs, B He is incapable of choosing a proper place, woman and time for man first meeting i. EDM festival, woman Roseland Ballroom, etc. Smart girls with personality can rejoice after years man griping that guys never give them a chance because date boys have finally grown up!
They come manscaped. Why would he deny himself something he wants? By Laura Argintar. Why leads me to… 3.
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