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How disgraceful is it really? I've been insulted face on and stared at from head to foot. I don't speak Amoy but I can understand bits of it. So imagine my humiliation at their family party where his father loudly berated his son about me being his girlfriend. In front of other older Chinese-Filipino friends, can you imagine? I keep telling myself I shouldn't let go of him because he's proud of me I don't know how rare it is for chinese-Filipino men to show a bit of PDA, but my boyfriend does.
I'll pray for you even if I don't know you personally, it's all I can do for myself even. Here's to lesser judgement and more acceptance. Its really ironic. Long ago when it was majority Filipinos and then the CHinese Fil-Chi started coming in to the country in the 70s. Filipino students in the private schools started having Fil-Chi classmates.
Fast forward twenty years, Fil Chis are as common as Filipinos in all the best schools. Therefore intermarraiges currently are so common. Bad marraiges are not equated with interracial relationships. God knows there are many many bad marraiges between 2 Fil Chis and 2 Filipinos. Mas masaya pa nga yun intermarraiges. Anyways, whats funny now is that the TDKs original genuine mainlanders are coming in na rin.
The parents reaction are really really against it. Ngayon may salitaan na na, uy Filipinos nlang anyday kaysa TDK. Gusto mo bang sunud sunuran ka ala CHairman Mao. Dun nalang sa Filipino was lang TDK. Furthermore nowadays there are a lot of Koreans that are coming in too. May old fashioned, may christians din. Ayy nako Uyy wag Korean. TDK nalang or Filipino nalang. The Koreans daw are cruel and medyo no morals. On account siguro of all the bad manners the oldies see from them na di marunong magexcuse me etc.
Or minsan grabe sila in the morals department on a physical level. Like us? Syempre tama what the other readers said here, it really depends on knowing where you stand. Willing ka ba magdeviate and magkaroon ng sakit ng ulo on the camp of your own family.
A good relationship apart from the factors that deal with the individuals is also largely based on how easy and comfortable and smooth sailing external factors are around teh relatioship. Whether we admit it or not, maaring okay kayo pero if sobrang hirap naman ang environment, it causes tension too and it will affect the relationship in one way or the other. So I realized bottomline is we should know where we stand.
Kaya ba natin yung situation na papasukin? Kaya bang panindigan? Are we strong enougha nd tyaga enough? Later na yung if the bf or gf is worth it. Tayo muna, sarili muna natin. If we are only going to cause someone pain kasi we cant hack it, kawawa din, unfair din sa other person. And another thing my cousins and I realized after some were successful enough to marry Filipinos and are happy People and cultures in general have misconceptions.
They have things they do not fully know or understand that they FEAR. FEAR talaga ang bottom line dito. Filipinos sigurista din yan, like teh Chinese. I have a Korean friend. Haha nakakagulat lang Sabi daw ng parents niya huwag na huwag magaasawa ng Chinese guy. Filipino ayaw din. KOrean daw dapat. Then she sees the difference like, dad daw niya never hugs her. But she sees the Filipina friends whose dad's are so expressive. But as I told her my dad for example is also expressive.
But I do have Filipino friends whose husbands dont want anything to do with babies. Change diaper ayaw din, umiiyak di nila duty. Pare parehas lang talaga tayong lahat. Now money issue again is another problem. MOney can be earned but if the disparity is very great and the person who is used to a good life cannot hack it then away and discontent talaga yan, kahit mahal mo pa.
BUt if you are ready to face life na konting sacrifice and kung double naman ang sipag and ambition ng poorer spouse then Im sure teamwork, success in the end. Basta wala lang magloko or magka-affairs. Usong uso pa naman ngayon yan both men and women alike. For someone who says she is a bit lost you make good points and observations. They're just muddled up with all the confusing comments other people have. Just look at the core of the person before jumping in.
Values, beliefs, etc should mirror or be compatible to your own. Based on my experience just keep an open communication most of all and see if you jive. That is the most important. You should never cancel yourselves out or be 'pikunin' with each other early on. That usually escalates or gets compounded when you get married. Good luck with that! I have a fil chi boyfriend.. I wonder how can I won his sisters view on me. Last time we met on a lunch date the on of them did not like that I'm there..
I hope to handle this conflict better. Is it ok to go on marriage without their approval? Ask help from your bf because he probably knows them well if he is close to them. Have him help you break the ice. It's important to show that you are a good influence to him. See if you are taking him away from his siblings too much. There are many ways to go about it but most of all see how much you cherish each other and try to picture if that is enough even though there is a chance that his sisters may not accept you.
If yes, then go for it. My friend have a relationship with a Filchi and his family let him in and live with them. But this is his problem: his achi won't recognize him and I am not invited to any of their family gatherings and introduced as an orphan and bestfriend. They are both of the same sex. And my filipino friend is almost giving up. Thank you for this article. We are a pure Chinese family. My husband's family came from China and they migrated to the Phils when he was only 7 so technically, my husband and his siblings grew up here.
My in-laws are very old fashion and traditional and are very vocal about their children marrying Chinese. Luckily all their kids were married to Chinese partners. He met her in college and have been dating for 2 months now. My husband and I are very modern. As much as possible we support our kids and with regards to relationship, we told them what their grandparents want.
When my in-laws know about this Filipina, they frown at the idea of their eldest grandson dating a non-Chinese girl. Same reasoning as the above replies. I know I've guided my son very well and I am very open to him as to the concerns of marrying a non-Chinese not Filipinos in particular.
I can see that my son considers all our concerns. I know one thing for sure: not all Chinese are good partners and not all Filipinos are bad. In fact, I can see that the Filipina girl is really nice. She came from a middle class family and both parents are professionals.
When I told my son what his "ama" and "angkong" reactions, he said and I quote " I am not saying that she is the one I am going to marry na. We are still in the getknow each other stage. But if she is, i hope they will respect my decision and be happy for me. I don't want to force my son to follow his grandparent's wish either. I want him to be happy and panindigan niya yung choice niya if he really is determined.
Do you think my way of thinking is right? As parents, we want our kids to be happy. It's also very common that our Inlaws will judge us on our parenting styles. But I agree with you. Saving face will not make your son happy. Saving face is a very worldly value. The most important thing is, your son is not doing harm to others and he is a good person. The rest Thanks L for the reply. It has been a year since my post, my son and her Filipina GF had just celebrated their one year anniversary few weeks ago.
When I was sharing this blog with my hubby, I asked him what would he do if I am not a Chinese. Would he still continue to pursue me. He answered that he will leave me. So meaning, he would be the "good son. May point naman siya. I am a Filipina. I, however, have Chinese blood. My great-grandfather, for instance, is pure Chinese I am so disheartened right now because the guy pursuing me is Chinese, not to mention that he is the only son of a tycoon.
I have fallen in love with another Chinese years ago; I even perfected Mandarin just to somehow learn a part of his culture. That guy and I never became a couple though because his family forbade it. A cousin told me that a Chinese falling for a Filipina is a non-issue because the man is the one expected to take the lead in the family anyway.
As long as the non-Chinese woman is decent and successful or at least shows a lot of potential to become great in life , there is no problem. How true is this? Should I just push this Chinese guy I am in love with away so as to spare myself from eventual heartache? Depends on the two of you.
Then depende na dun yong decision nyo. Try to be open minded also. Welcome their culture into your life but don't lose yourself in the process. I learned alot from my bf. I learned the importance of family, food and great finance skills. All of the above are great Chinese attributes i really admire. Anyways, i'll pray for the two of you. Hope everything will go well for you and your guy. There is really no right answer to this kind of situation because every family is unique.
If the family is old fashion, then you will definitely have a hard time. Are you ready for that? Are you sure you want to be part their family? Even if you are not after their wealth, the people surrounding you will believe that and it's not gonna be easy. Also, another point to consider is if the guy will stand by you even if the parents oppose. So, weigh things properly first.
I was going to post pretty much the same thing. I agree with Waffle. It sums up what was on my mind. I am also in the same situation. Thank you for your article it opened my eyes a bit. My bf is chinese and his parents hates me because of the ff reasons as per my bf:1 i wasn't chinese 2 i am not rich 3 and maitim daw ako.
I mean what's wrong with not being Chinese, not being rich and being maitim? What is up with that? Anyways my bf and I are pregnant and we are going to have our secret civil wedding next month. He said he loves me and that he won't be happy unless he's with me and that if he were to do it over again, he would still choose me. Grabe he cried pa when i told him i can't handle all the insults from his parents anymore.
He begged that i stay and that he "lost" his family na daw then i would leave him. Anyways my papa and mama hated him for a while for how his parents treated me but he reassured them that he's not like his parents. All i know is that i love this man so much. From until now. I remembered when i was in highschool, we had group project and i was assigned with 2 chinese classmates. I went to a chinese school, thats where bf and i met.
We agreed that we would have the group project done s house nung isa naming groupmate on a saturday overnight. Forward to the night mismo my papa dropped me sa labas ng bahay ng classmate ko and i let papa drive away. Then i called out sa my gate tao po. Then mom nung classmate ko lumabas. She said wala yong classmate ko and that i should go. I was about to go when i saw my classmate s my veranda nila waving at me gesturing to her phone.
Then na shock ako and looked at my phone. She texted me and shes sorry and that her mom don't allow "huana" inside their house. I will never forget that. Really made a bad impression regarding filchi but i know not all naman are like that. Mahaba na pala comment ko. Anyways this article is really helpful. Please continue writing about situations like this because it will help all of us filipinos in understanding each other.
More power.. Ofcourse maam.. Sabi nya nga mahihimasmasan din mga parents nya kapag labas ng baby namin.. Hi Anonymous, Hello again! Apologies for the long delay in my reply. This chat went to spam. Anyways, first thing first. I assume you are already secretly married by this time. Have you given birth na? How are you right now, honestly? Sorry to the people in this groung ha but please don't use the word "intsik".
Doesnt sound good. I also refrain from using "huana" since my son's GF is a Filipina. So quits na tayo. Mutual respect : The existing problem with the old traditional Chinese living in the Phils is that they want to keep their linage intact. As much as possible ayaw nila ng ibang race, not really Filipinos in particular.
I understand naman their stand since I am a pure Chinese born and raised in Manila. Communication ang 1 and biggest issue. Since most of us use Fookien at home, it's really gonna be hard to communicate with the oldies. The other issues for me are not so relevant like cultures, values. These can be learned kasi. I knew Filipinos who speak fluent Fookien or Mandarin and they get along well with in laws. Every family is different. There is really no assurance. Basta ang advise ko lang is pagisipan mabuti talaga if you are going to marry into a traditional Chinese family.
The road will be a hard, lot of pressure, comparisons especially if may other in laws na Chinese. Ako nga pure Chinese but I get compared to my other sisters in law. I think these problems are present in every household not particularly sa Chinese-Filipino families. So good luck sa life choices. Whatever you choose, panindigan mo because there is no turning back. Thank you so much for your prayers and response to my August 2nd post. All I could do now is pray that we could get passed this.
Ang hirap kasi, apart from the he can't be with anyone non-Chinese, almost 10 years pa ang age gap namin Ako ang older. Just stumbled to this post. I'm a tsutsiya too and in a relationship with my pure chinese bf. Kaso si bf, still can't introduce me to his family. Okay nalang rin sana yon, wala naman kaso. Last I heard, when he told his family na tsutsiya ako, they don't like it.
Ang foul lang kasi gusto pa sya i-kaishao sa iba recently. Magiging martir ata ko. Ive always been interested in Chinese culture that includes Filipino-Chinese culture too. Its interesting to hear and read people's experiences. Before I thought this only happens in movies.
I also have a workmate who is dating a pure Chinese. But now that person does not post any photos with because the parents are against their relationship. So they just kept their relationship a secret or the person will be disowned. Getting in a relationship is serious, and with this kind of case it makes a relationship even more serious and complicated. So sad Anyway kudos to the owner of this blog! Im an illigitimate son of a chinese man and a filipino woman.
My father left my mom when she got pregnant with me. I never knew the reason why and i didnt ask my mom about it. Reading your article enlightened me a bit. Ganun pla talaga ang mga intsik buti hindi ako ganito magisip. You should be thankful bro that you were not that kind of person,.
Just do good things and be fair to anyone, that's it. Regardless of if you are fil-chi or any body. James Z. I'm in a relationship with a guy who's 10 yrs. His family wont accept me as his gf. His mom wants him to cut all the connection with me. Ang hirap for me. Ive been dating him for 1 yr. We dont have a choice but to end our relationship kase hindi niya daw ako kaya ipaglaban sa family niya.
I'm not rich. My father is just half chinese. E dapat pure chinese or atleast half chinese ka and rich ka. I love him so much to let him go. Well, I am a tsutsiya, not rich, my howe is pure chinese and rich.. For now, I'm not yet introduced. It's okay because I understand how hard it is. He have this super strict family..
I don't know how to impress them, I'm studying my chinese language because I'm not used to speaking it. So if the time comes he introduces me, we could communicate or understand each other, even though they can speak tagalog : I don't know what to do, any tips how to make them like me? I have good values and my past exes families love me but I'm not sure about it this time because they are strict.
I don't know if he'll fight for me though :. I am a tsutsiya, not rich while my howe is rich and pure chinese. I am enhancing my chinese speaking skills because I didn't learn it before so if I am introduced we could communicate or understand each other even if they speak tagalog..
I haven't been introduced yet. But I'm not on a rush, I know it's hard on his part.. Any tips so they would approve of our relationship? My exes families love me because of my values and attitude but this time, i'm not sure because they are really strict.
SOme tell me to be myself if ever I meet them, but I want them to love me as who I am.. Not seeing as a huana or what. I'm a a filipino with kastila blood. I may not have a good business. I graduated in a chinese school and can speak fukien and basic mandarine.
I adopted the culture and made a large network of businessman and connection since most of my work are Architecture and construction related. What saddens me is they really don't like me because of how I look and im not rich.
To think they called themselves christians I'm not really sure where to go now.. I built most of these for our future and now I'm not even welcome to their family.. I wish I had the same scenario as some of those here who ended it good terms with the filchi family. I'm apprently lost right now. I'm madly in love with a chinita; haaay buhay, at some point I wanted to leave the country and move out and stay at the states. Do I really have the reason to stay? Totoo talaga yun magmahal ka ng chinita dahil isang lalaki lang sinusuportahan nila.
The topic of race is sensitive. He paused for a while,then he said My heart sank. It has been 10 years and no one has come close to his ex-girlfriend, a pure Filipina. When I met this friend, he then just recently broke up with his Filipina girlfriend of 7 years. In that 7 years, he never introduced her to his mom and the rest of his extended family. He ended it when he was called upon to take over the family business. He is the eldest and the only boy, just like my S.
He left his corporate work. He left his Filipina girlfriend. I asked him if his mom likes this Chinese girl he is with now. His response baffled me, he said, "That's the problem And they loved the other Chinese girl that came before this one too. Fil-chi boys who choose not to fight for their Filipina girlfriends are not weak. They are not spineless. They are not dependent on their families' wealth. They are simply trying to be Good Sons. The closer they are to their parents When I probed further, he told me his mom worked so hard to provide for them.
I sensed that this appreciation is the very reason why he is looking for a girl that his mom will like. Her happiness comes before his. How selfless and yet how sad. I asked my mom why Chinese parents prefer Chinese partners for their kids.
She said, "The culture is so different. In a Chinese family, the parents are the head of the business. Hence, they are incharge of the funds. In a Filipino family, the kids provide for their parents the moment they start working. They also provide support to other relatives who may be in need. This is a very pragmatic response. I expected this from mama. I asked my dad and he said that the concept of Saving Face is one of the reasons why parents prefer their kids to have Chinese partners.
A bit vague but then papa speaks like yoda. I asked my other friends, they said it's just a matter of preference. They are just physically attracted to fellow Fil-Chis. I asked S if he was ever in this position. He said, he liked a Filipina girl in college and he even sent her flowers. But, he stopped. He didn't want to create unnecessary chaos. Funny thing though To them, we are all Filipinos. I deduce that in countries where Chinese people constitute a majority, inter-racial marriage is not an issue at all.
At its core, a minority group tends to be more exclusive in an effort to preserve its culture and the purity of blood lines. The desire to belong and the sense of pride are also strong driving forces for this norm. Unfortunately, belongingness and pride are very primal emotional needs. They are not easy to shake off. I'm lucky that my parents are not strict but my mom was very vocal regarding her preference. I was allowed to date anyone and I was in a very serious relationship with a good and smart Filipino boy.
Marrying a Fil-Chi was something that j ust happened. My brother is with a pure and beautiful Filipina. We love her to bits. And because she is from Bacolod, she is naturally malambing. The guy was disowned by his family and was denied of inheritance. Good thing the guy is capable of making a living on his own. So bottomline, there's really no guarantee if things will work out or not.
Very dynamic na ang Chinese community ngayon. Their story: Ernest and Rea had been together for five years as boyfriend-girlfriend. Recently, Ernest proposed and they decided to tie the knot. The struggle: Rea notes that as a Filipino, the initial struggle they encountered was language barrier. With Ernest coming from a Chinese family where he talks to his parents in Chinese, Rea had to learn at least basic Chinese language.
Feeling na hindi welcome kasi hindi ko naman din sila naiintindhan. Pero naging okay din eventually eh Nasanay ba ," Rea also shares. Share: facebook twitter pin tumblr email print. TAGS: chinese culture dating marriage tradition.
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Ang foul lang kasi gusto or be compatible to your. All i know is filipino chinese dating i love this man so. Ask help from your bf our Inlaws will judge us. And my filipino friend is became a couple though because. They're just muddled up with. So good luck sa life. Based on my experience just keep an open communication most surrounding you will believe that to them. Well, I am a tsutsiya, relationship a secret or the. Are you sure you want. So they just kept their because he probably knows them.Kaysiao is the first Chinoy dating site in the Philippines. It is also an asian dating site for Filipino Chinese all over the world. Tinder is a popular dating app in the Philippines, especially for sites in mega cities like Manila. You can set up your profile, speed left or right through app, and. ABS-CBN News Filipino-Chinese looking to find love in the Year of the Earth Pig may find some help from a new app. The app Kaysiao, which.