There's a way to come back from it, though. You mention "constant swiping," so I want to start there. Particularly with swiping-based apps, it's easy to fall into the habit of swiping whenever you're bored and have a few minutes. Are you swiping now? TBH, that's a bit rude. I'm trying to do a thing here. Though this might be a way to fill the time so you don't have to be left alone with the thoughts banging around in your brain like a feral cat in an alley at 2 a. For starters, swiping can be a numbing experience -- you're watching a parade of faces fly by.
In truth, you probably spend about a second on a profile before moving on, unless someone really jumps out at you. Feeling like there's no one out there can nag at you, especially when it seems like you're investing a lot of time looking and not finding much. Here's the thing, though: Swiping while sitting through the latest episode of The Masked Singer isn't exactly the most focused or deliberate way to go about searching for a date.
Instead of swiping fast and swiping all the time, limit the amount of time you spend every day on The Apps. Slow yourself down. Take a bit more time to really look at profiles. And when you're done, close that app and give yourself a break. Breaks are important; they let you reset and come back to any situation with fresh eyes.
You might need a short break from dating apps. It's also OK if you want to step back for longer. You know, the one with the face , the impeccably-curated list of favorite bands and the subtle reference to your favorite Dave Eggers book in their bio. As for that string of bad dates, unfortunately it's almost impossible to know if a date is going to be good or terrible until it's happening. You might try keeping those first dates short -- coffee, a drink, an ice cream -- something that reaches a point of possible conclusion after only 30 or 40 minutes.
Whenever you have a crummy date, mentally toss it on your pile of war stories for the next time you and your friends are having that conversation. Approaching dating as though it is testing out what I call, "Your Happiness Hypothesis", your own personal algorithm can help minimize some of our own expectations. Create an equation just like the dating sites that includes the elements that you absolutely require fixed variable and the elements that you think you want random variable.
Focus just on characteristics, qualities and life desires. Dating is supposed to add to your life, not take away. Take a step back. I know, I know. It's great to get that fun endorphin rush every time you get a match. And it can feel like you're actually being proactive about meeting someone and "putting yourself out there". But if you're just swiping and not chatting to anyone, it may be time to take a break until you can be more productive.
But what do they fear missing out on? That depends on the person. At some point you may just be going on dates for the sake of going on them. But here's the thing — more bad dates with people you were never going to spark with anyway can just leave you feeling more down. According to Silva's research, fatigue can set in as early as three months and by month four many users are downloading multiple apps to search different data bases. But if you're just opening one app after the other and going back and forth, it's not really progress.
If you're reached dating app burnout, it's going to affect the dates you go on. If you find yourself feeling like the dates are a chore and you get a knot in your stomach when you think about them, it's time to take a step back and give yourself some air. Look, everyone can get ghosted, benched or breadcrumbed, but if you have eight different potential dates who are all messing you around, it's time to wake up. Silva found that 80 percent of millennials had experienced it and, at some point, it starts to get you down.
Take an effing break. If you feel like you're getting fatigued, you can always have a detox.
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