how to know if you are dating a loser

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How to know if you are dating a loser

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It's always tricky when you see someone your friend is dating still on a dating app. Of course, maybe they're not exclusive yet. But do they have an arrangement? Do you tell your friend? Is it even your place to get involved? The messenger always ends up being shot anyway. If the person you're seeing is actively trolling for other options online, then most likely, they are not a great option for you, and it's one of the red flags you're dating a loser.

If a guy I'm hitting it off with on Bumble ends up seriously updating his profile while we're talking, even that's a huge turn-off for me. Call me an old-fashioned gal, but I like it when the people I like only like me back also. A significant other who is still on dating apps is not an SO who is looking to settle down. Red flag alert: Move on. Hi, person I'm dating, why are you following all my hottest friends on Instagram whom you have never even met, when you won't even follow back?

Someone who is getting chummy with all of your friends and inserting themselves into your core social network might just be looking for a place to fit in, and not a future or a committed relationship with you. Are they new to town and just trying to get their footing? Are they a party promoter attempting to collect a roster of hot people to call? Unless you're serious, what do they need to be checking out your friends for anyway?

None of that sounds great to me. Loser alert. A messy man or woman usually has a messy mind and a messy heart. Take it from me. I am messy. My car is filled with half-used water bottles. I moved into my new apartment several months ago and still haven't unpacked. And my heart — it's a mess. When someone is emotionally mature and ready for a healthy, adult relationship, they treat their living space the same way that they would a significant other.

They respect their things. They do the dishes after they eat. Laundry is done with frequency. They actually wash their bed sheets every once in a while. A partner who is ready for a relationship has their life prepared to bring someone else into it, without having to navigate a labyrinth of dirty clothing, empty toilet paper rolls, and leftover pizza boxes first.

If your crush keeps a filthy personal space, then that is a red flag. Teach them to clean, hire someone to pick up every once in a while, or end the relationship ASAP. Because I promise you, exterior spaces reflect interior feelings. Ah, the party animal who always wants to go to the club with their friends and get bottle service! Oh, yeah, that is a fun person to date — not.

Unless you are 21 years old or a college freshman, this should not be an alluring lifestyle to live if your priorities are headed in the right direction. I cannot think of anything worse than waking up at the house of the guy I am dating and being surrounded by sleeping strangers and empty beer bottles. Even thinking about it gives me a massive panic attack. I do not want that to be my safe space. Note: Jerkiness is NOT gender specific, so you can apply what follows to both men and women even though I use male pronouns here.

When he shows you attention, you feel happy. When he lets you down for the 23rd time this month, his withdrawal hits you right in the gut. Your emotions hinge on his actions in an unhealthy way. One night he may stand you up completely, then text you the next day happily, like nothing happened. He has a hard time committing to making time for you. When the other person goes hot and cold, your emotions cycle from downright bliss to abject depression.

You might not even know what his standards ARE, but it feels like whatever you do is wrong. The relationship feels difficult. Jerks make mean jokes at your expense. When you get offended and speak up about his disrespect, he will try to claim that it was all a joke.

Even worse, he might accuse you of being the sensitive one. He may tone it down for a while, but over time his disrespect keeps creeping back into your interactions. This is probably the case if you find yourself thinking, All I have to do show him kindness.

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