Though there are no age limits for sugar babies and sugar daddies, it's common for a sugar daddy to be significantly older than the sugar baby. Having an extramarital sugar baby requires some level of discretion. Being recognized in public could cause either of you personal or professional distress, not to mention it could lower your sugaring prospects.
Personally, I didn't have a problem dating sugar daddies who were married. After all, they were the ones who contacted me — and if they are willing to go through the effort of messaging me and agreeing on an arrangement, they'd be willing to do it for someone else. Related: 8 things I wish I knew before I got divorced. It's important to be on the same page about how much of a time commitment you want in your sugaring relationship.
Some sugar daddies want to meet several times a week, while others prefer once a month. I find myself liking the attention of men who enjoy hearing from me throughout the week but don't need my attention all day, every day.
I certainly can enjoy the company of an older man and don't have qualms about being seen in public with a sugar daddy. It's a decision every person needs to make for themselves. On top of setting up a Google Voice number, there are several other safety precautions I had to take as I got deeper into the sugaring lifestyle. For one, it's always good to let people know where you are when you're meeting strangers from the internet.
I tell all my dates that I have a friend I need to check in with on first dates, and I have never had a negative response to this. Everyone agrees — safety first. I also was very careful when accepting Uber rides or Venmo transactions early on in a relationship.
Giving away your address or your regular Venmo handle is giving away free information. In an age where our phone apps hold so much personal information, being in control of the flow of your personal information is vital. When I first made my profile, I got an initial flood of messages from men. The answer is that scammers prey on new accounts. I learned to hold the excitement for a bit and I got comfortable recognizing and weeding out the scammy, copy-paste introductions.
Additionally, I quickly realized that anyone who asks you for your bank information to send you money before you've met is a scammer. A common scam involves them sending a check or MoneyGram in excess of your allowance and asking you to purchase a gift card with the excess. This scam works on naive sugar babies who think they've received a large gift, when in reality they've cashed in on money that their bank will eventually find is fake, while the scammer walks away with a free gift card.
Even after meeting, there are plenty of better methods to send you your allowance. No one needs your personal information to wire to your bank as if it's the s. As the eternal truth stands — cash is king. Lots of sugar babies shudder at the idea of what they do as sex work.
I think of sugaring as an enjoyable deviance with a financial benefit, and while I don't consider it sex work, I understand why some might. When opening yourself up to fringe dating of any sort, you'll attract men with varying goals. Other men will want to provide a monthly allowance and business insight for their dates, have an intimate relationship, and even consider marriage down the line. I find myself somewhere in the middle. I don't enjoy one-night stands, and I definitely enjoy indulging in a relationship, but wouldn't consider something permanent with any of the men I've been on sugar dates with.
Some sugar babies will ask about platonic arrangements, being turned off by the idea of intimacy with a sugar daddy. Not surprisingly, most sugar daddies won't see the value in financially providing for a sugar baby without intimacy. That said, I have actually met two so far, but not because I went looking for such an arrangement. In one case, the man had some qualms about being intimate, so he paid me for an afternoon of tea and board games, and we had a lovely afternoon just not being lonely.
Often on forums where sugaring is discussed, it's very common for newer sugar babies to ask for advice from the community. One of the most popular repeated posts are men looking for "sugar mamas. The overwhelming response is: Women do not need to pay for sex, and therefore, sugar mamas are next to impossible to find. That is not to say they don't exist, but they are the exception, not the rule.
As sugaring becomes more mainstream, the potential to have your time wasted by a Splenda daddy or a scammer increases. Becoming a sugar baby requires a great deal of patience and willingness to go on bad dates before you find someone you want to pursue a relationship with. But it can also be incredibly rewarding and a great deal of fun.
I've taken multiple flights, received a wide range of allowances and gifts, and met some very interesting people during my short time as a sugar baby. Insider logo The word "Insider". Close icon Two crossed lines that form an 'X'. It indicates a way to close an interaction, or dismiss a notification. World globe An icon of the world globe, indicating different international options. A leading-edge research firm focused on digital transformation. Redeem your free audiobook. US Markets Loading Twitter icon A stylized bird with an open mouth, tweeting.
Twitter LinkedIn icon The word "in". LinkedIn Fliboard icon A stylized letter F. Flipboard Link icon An image of a chain link. It symobilizes a website link url. Copy Link. A freelance writer in her 30s shared her experiences as a " sugar baby. She discussed everything from the gifts she's received to how she spots a scammer online. See more stories on Insider's business page.
Before I found my first sugar daddy, I needed an idea of why I was sugaring. It's worth noting you should never become a sugar baby just for the money. Anonymity is key for sugar babies and sugar daddies — I created an alter ego just for my online sugaring presence. There's an art to making a sugar-baby profile — and certain precautions you have to take. I quickly learned some of the lingo that sugar babies and sugar daddies use.
Before I meet up with any guy, I iron out the terms of our arrangement. A lot of sugar daddies are married, which provides some challenges. All sugar babies have to decide how much of a commitment they want with their sugar daddies. There are a ton of safety concerns I have to keep in mind as a sugar baby — as well as scams that fake sugar daddies try to run.
I don't consider what I do sex work, but sugar babies have a range of opinions on it. I thought, maybe I should start to pursue younger women. So I found Seeking Arrangement. Who did you end up meeting on there? There were three women I met on the site. The first woman was the "upfront woman. Unfortunately, that's not really who I am. I need more of an emotional connection with someone, even though it might sound weird in that environment.
The next woman was someone I would call a "girl next door. So I dated her for four to five months. After two months she said, I don't want money anymore, I just really enjoy getting to know you. It really told me she wasn't looking for a long-term monetary benefit, and that you can have a real chemistry-laden relationship with someone.
What happened with that relationship? Over the next two months, the age difference was slammed in our face. I remember I went out to brunch with her and her friends, and someone was whispering, you know, Whose dad is that? It didn't really impact me, but I saw the look on her face. So we decided to remain friends.
And the third woman? The third woman I call the "mercenary," and she was the most dangerous person I think I ever met. She scared the shit out of me. She would say anything to make you think she loved you. She lied about not having a boyfriend, not living with him, got all the money, gifts, trips, and plane tickets, and when her boyfriend finally threw her out, she came crawling to me. So she ended up moving in with me for a while, and then I got set her up in an apartment.
Once, I got really ill, and I told her what was going on, and I said, hey, look we need to have a real relationship, or this isn't going to work. And to this day, I haven't heard back. What do you mean a real relationship? Did you want monogamy?
So I told her, okay, well you have to be upfront with me, not just honest. That should be the best part about a site like Seeking Arrangement is you shouldn't have to lie. Like, this is who I am. But the thing was, I was exposing her to my entire world — I have kids who knew about her, my ex knew about her — and she wouldn't expose me to anyone.
She was saying all the right things but her actions weren't matching what she was saying. So I told her, either you change or it's not going to work. And then, ghost. How much did you spend supporting her? I bought her a lot of jewelry. I'd buy her a ring, she would lose the ring or say it got stolen, and I'd buy her another ring to replace the ring. I know. It was sort of like, hey dude, what are you doing? And you haven't been back on the site since?
I went back on the site and had one phone conversation with a woman, but that was it. That last relationship actually destroyed my ability to trust, and it was one of the factors that broke up the relationships that followed. Well that's interesting, because isn't that how you were describing older men and women who are "tainted by life" previously? It was a really difficult thing to deal with. I became what I didn't like about other people through that relationship.
It really took an awful lot of time to be able to process through that, and I'm still working on it. When the urge comes up for me to say, I think you might be misleading me , I just squash it a little bit. Has that experience changed whether you would date women of a certain age? If I were single, I would definitely date women who are older. I was looking at older women as being tainted and having the view that life is not the greatest thing in the world. I feel like an older woman is more likely to be communicative and say, "I don't want to do this anymore.
The girl I met on Seeking Arrangement used to say that all the time. Just because you have the money you have the power. Well, so who are you dating now? And she ended up sitting and having a glass of wine with me. With a lot of discussion about moneyed, older men abusing their power, has it changed the way you view your relationships?
A little bit, to some degree. I had a conversation with my current girlfriend about the dynamic of power because I clearly make a lot more money than she does. And I asked, do you ever feel like I have more power in this relationship than you do?
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