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When you get married, your priorities shift. Your spouse and your kids, if you decide to have them become No. As a result, that often means making personal sacrifices and compromises that may get in the way of certain career moves or other life goals, such as traveling, starting your own business or picking up a new hobby. When your partner screws up or does something irritating, you give him or her the benefit of the doubt. But as time goes on, couples often become less and less patient and forgiving with one another.
Things they once laughed off turn into simmering resentments. When this happens, try to remember that you and your partner are on the same team, not opposing teams. But as time goes on, those celebrations may become less and less frequent. You can plan get-togethers with friends and family or take time to celebrate just the two of you. Whatever you decide, make it special. Celebrating might just mean a picnic in your backyard, a free concert or an at-home spa night.
As we get older and the stressors pile on, many of us fall into the trap of taking life way too seriously. We lose our child-like sense of wonder and goofy senses of humor. To counteract this, try incorporating some play into your marriage. Then make it a regular thing. Or just read silly jokes and funny stories to each other. Ten years in, when finances hopefully become more secure, buying a house or condo may be on the table for some couples.
And while homeownership is a big accomplishment, it comes with a host of stressors that can put a strain on your marriage. We share everything together bank account etc. We dont separate our money at all. We dont hide anything from each other. We love each other like we are newly weds we have always been very close. But I think alot about if something was to happen to me and I passed he would be able to collect benefits from me him and my 16 year old. I have a blood clotting disorder and you never know what may happen and I just want the reassurance that if something was to happen my kids and him will be alright financially.
Melissa, this sounds like my dad and his girlfriend. Very covenant to him because she caters to his every need. Emotionally, financially etc. He still goes out and does what he wants. Some want their cake and eat it too! Not being negative about your situation. Just giving a real example. Why has he not held a job in 13 years? Is he disabled? Was he in prison at some point? Is he uneducated or lacking in skills, or motivation? I fail to see why a young man did not hold a job from age 24 to 38?
I am glad he helped you raise your children, but honestly, what kind of role model is this man you love so much — I take it you supported all of you these last 13 years? I would rather have sex once a month and have a man who cares enough about me to not mooch off me than someone who bangs me every night. I am 50 and he will be turning He wanted to have the whole thing planned, have the kids there and even pick out my dress and have it there.
I feel like he pulled the quickest thing he could out of his hat to pacify me. I dont want anything big or fancy for a wedding, I want the commitment of a marriage, it is more than a piece of paper to me. And there is no common law in my state. I also wonder if theres someone else. Oh my gosh I feel you totally. I have no advice looking for some myself goodluck and keep your head high. Go get a cohabitation agreement ASAP.
This person does not love you but is protecting his property and assets while having the benefit of his partner paying for something they will never own. Common-law is NOT as good as married. Know your rights or you will find yourself broke, homeless and used.
Also, make sure you draft a will together. I suggest doing some research, speaking to lawyer who will give you a free consult and also a financial advisor. This is your future. You deserve security regardless of your relationship status. I will say he was in my kids lives most of their growing up years. I was never interested in getting married, neither was he. We both own our own homes. He has always been there for them, and for me. We are both retired, houses paid off, settled in life. We travel together, we do things all the time, we are committed.
I have a large house in a nice area, he lives in a small place in a not so nice neighborhood. Thats not happening either. I can see us continuing on like this for the rest of our lives. If I were to pass, my kids would take care of him and look out for him. Just the way she is. I hate that our time together is now getting to something like this. So what do we do? How dare you give this advise to people. You sound like an 17 year old girl with unrealistic expectations of love.
This has been good to me the last 2 years. He asked me what did I want yesterday and I said I wanted to get married. What am I supposed to do with that??? Do I walk away, and move in with my mother? Do I walk away from him and go through the emotional??? Wow you are together so you shouldnt owe him money. Thiugh I feel your situation.
Inhave 3 kids one with autism. Been together with my man almost 7 years now. Just made the comment today about wanting to get married but would be weird without a biological kid between us. I cant have more kids. Indont work he does though he had a whole year off last year.
Jib let him go just as we wrmere starting to look at houses. Always said house first then marriage. But now he is thinking about his fiance from years ago who told him her oldest is probably his. They were you d and forced to break up when her parents found religion and married her off to someone.
We just had a fight recently and I told him it feels like he doesnt want this. If he leaves or I decided to end it I would have no way to survive without him. I love him and u know he loves us just maybe not enough to be happy…. Hi, Similar situation only I seem to be the oldest. At this age you look at relationships much differently, no thought of having kids, you already have reached many of lifes goals and yu know what your in for etc.
From our initial meeting we shared our individual desires for the furure and that ultimately marriage was what we both were seeking, we made tha pack that if either knew it was not going in that direction we would be honest with each other. We have both been married prior many years ago, I have no children and him 2 grown girls, we both own our own homes and it is a long distance relationship. I have no issue being apart for periods of time but he wants someone there all the time.
This aging parent situation can and most likely will come up in most peoples lives married or not and you deal with it as best you can and there is no time line to go by. This weekend I brought it up and he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but has several conflicting reasons for not moving forward to engagement. I believe he just keeps me hoping and I am getting beyond frustrated I have had a few dates of ending the relationship including this weekend but I keep giving more time hoping for a different outcome.
Talk some sense into me. I read one time that if a man already feels married to u then he wont marry u! I want to say walk away cause if he feels that way then he wont let u go to far for very long! Hi, advice needed!! However he says he wants to get married but no ring yet. We argue all the time about it as I feel so let down and in a one sided commitment relationship.
I met him Summer and moved in April and have a life together, share everything. I have a 4 year old son from my ex, and he got one too. I was so sad what I heard, but I love him way too much. First and foremost I say to every woman you are a Queen, now being a Lady is your choice. We must know who we are and what we want when going and ina relationship.
I believe timing is everything and I do NOT believe in rushing a man, but do know when a man is delaying you. We know delay does not always mean denial, but in this situation you may want to believe it is. Ultimatums do not work, you want to be loved and married by choice not force. God bless each and ever relationship and person!! I have been in a 3-year committed relationship which has been good, not perfect. We both have many faults, but my guy is the most loving and kindest guy I have ever met.
I have had more downs than ups since we have been together, in all areas and by the grace of God this man has been there for me every step of the way, especially when I was and do get sick, he treats me like a new born baby. Actually, that us my problem and fear is that he treats me like a baby and Queen and I am so spoiled! Ok to the real stuff, he wants to get married and at least get engaged now, but I just want to leave things as they are BC I am afraid he is going to change once married.
No more spoiling then. I know and believe that God has sent him to me and we pray together daily, but when he annoys me I go home and say that is why I am not marrying you. We did live together for a 1. I would just like to date for a couple more years to make sure. Whoa, there. I personally know a couple who has seen people marry and divorce while they were still dating long time. Will it really be forever? I digress, and at the same time apologize for what might be considered ripping at the article.
I just want to make a point that it seems to unfairly in my opinion indicate to readers the health of a long term yes, even many years is centered around marriage. No one is immoral for believing in marriage, nor are they for not believing in it.
How much do you need that? If a lot, then leave. Is it all them? Look, many counselors will task you with what your role and responsibility is in the problem when they see a lot of one-sided arguments. Some of my friends in the field note that the more saintly the complainer make themselves sound, the more skeptical they become about the real story, even when the person totally believes it.
That also projects both ways and will likely get neither of you to your goal. Also, I have to tell the non-marrying type to equally not hold anything against those that place a emphasis on marriage. They call marriage old fashioned, institutionalized, an ritual of dressing up to state what is already known, and they complain that laws, religion, and taxing practices unfairly privilege the concept of marriage.
All in all, if you lasted 7, 10, or more years, you can probably make it without formal marriage some folks have common law , and many of you may in fact statistically have outlasted a great number of marriages, as cold and blunt as that sounds. For some, this might come as a new or different way to look at the conversation. For others, they have already made up their mind. I was honest on our first date about having to pay for getting pregnant. I told him I dont want to live with someone who would be around my kids then leave, their dad is not around.
On one yr he have me a promise ring saying he would marry me. Years later he said it was a promise he would always love me. He now refuses to even answer me if I ask about future plans. He is always on his phone but doesnt respond to me. We are 7 yrs in our relationship and when I say I respect any decision he makes and still nothing.
We dont go out on dates unless its weeks after my birthday. When he works out of town where he stays in hotels and managed all women employees, I would hear from him for days. He says at least we helped eachother if anything. I left a bad relationship prior to him. And he knows that. And every time I fix a reason why he will even say we are committed and will make it through anything not necessarily marriage he makes another reason.
I just want closure and let him go. Or to be told we got this and move forward. He gets defensive if I wear certain clothes now where as before he was so sweet and charming. Im not accepted on his social media and any little thing sets him off. How do I ask what he wants without causing anger? He only has said it depends on of we get along. But he gets mad so easily now. He has no kids but when I offered to pay to have one he chose other things. He is in his late 30s and I just need advice.
And yes this Is embarrassing. He knew wk 2 I wanted marriage and kids bc I was up front. He was separated 2 yrs when we met and finally was able to get a divorce last year. We have lived together the whole time since problem 1. His mom even asked on multiple occasions and he said we were getting married. He promised end of Still no proposal. He promises we are getting married and having children, but still no proposal. I brought it up again tonight after he had worked 12 hrs.
I even told him mos ago just get me a fake ring idc you can get me something better down the road. He talks about the future, but still no proposal. Saying that out loud is so embarrassing!!! I love him so much but love myself more. Well with so many women nowadays that are so very picky and looking for Mr.
Perfect which definitely has a lot to do with it today, especially when many women now want men with a lot of money. I agree with you to a point. But there are also a lot of women out there who have made their money and take care of their own, they want a man who is just as secure. Just saying, a picky woman is one who knows herself and her worth. Nothing wrong with that. This is a really useful post. I have been going through the same thing for 7 years. Promises that never took place. Him disappearing on me for weeks.
Why on earth would someone non stop tell you to move in with them and at the same time within a couple of days say it was just a thought. Over the years I have changed as a person. Its like I do not care anymore. And I want to leave him, but it is hard. Why didnt he tell me from the beginning he was just fooling around. I mean we are both over Why must I put in all the effort all the time.
Then suddenly he will make a joke about proposing and once again he will say oh it was merely a thought. So now I have resorted telling him I will not move in with him anymore and no marriage as well. He wants to stay single to see others behind my back, then go ahead.
Still, I find it hard to walk away. And in the end women like us are mentally screwed. I have decided once this is done if it is ever going to get there, I do not want to date ever again. Well at least reading these, I dont feel so dumb. Others are in the same boat. He knows I want to get married and just goes silent when I try to talk about it. The most he says is, he just doesnt want to get married again.
Wont give a reason. Hard to leave after so many years, what seem to be wasted years. I talk about moving, and he doesnt even suggest living together. I guess I know what I need to do, but its so hard. Why Marriage so freaking important to tell everyone they are committed to someone. The love and loyalty you share with someone is 1st priority. But if it is important to one or both, then you need to respect that and recognize the importance. The thing is Mandy, women give. They put in financially eyc.
They have their own homes too. So taking care of 2 households because he wont move in or let you move in is financially destructive for women. So is feeling used. And once there is a break up, he is secure as she maintained a lot whereas she lost so much money especially if over And you cannot claim it back. I suggest to women ja, date him but pay only your share nothing else. You be amazed how many men then walk away.
In my case, marriage is important. If one of us were to die tomorrow, we know each others wishes, know who gets what, we know what we want to happen. But we have ZERO say in it legally. I was very open in the beginning advising him I will like to be married again.
I was previously married for 8 years and it ended. The interesting thing about this situation is he has three kids 4,7 and 25 by three different women. I have a child of my own 13 and do not want anymore children.
All of his relationships have been anywhere from years with no marriages. Keep in mind this man is 48 and I am Just need some advice. Thank you so much for this article! I have bin with my man for almost 10 years … I have had to watch my friends and family one by one walk down the aisle… and it has caused me a great deal of pain.. We lived together for 5 years, and were together for 6 years. In summer I said: 6 months to think — lets get married or lets break up. One year after break up he wrote me letters, we talked… In spetember he proposed to our common friend and in he married her!!!
We broke up a few years back due to disagreements of marriage and when. We got back together with a compromise but 3 years later still nothing. Reason being we need to be financially ready- meaning a house. We ended up moving for my job and getting close to buying a house, only to have him relocate for a promotion in his job. What hurts is he has to think about it. Please help! Been waiting since year 3.
He had me pick out a really affordable ring. We got pregnant which was fine at the time because we were getting engaged anyhow. It never happened. If I could go back I would have left when I found out. I feel all alone like a single mom except for finances. At baby shower I felt ridiculous without that ring and him being there.
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