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Forty days of dating

Love is a central theme in humanity across time and cultures. But what exactly is it, and why do we all approach it so differently? How does it affect us so deeply that sane people have gone mad over it? The dating life in New York City can grow tiresome and wearing. In an attempt to explore and hopefully overcome their fears and inadequacies, Tim and Jessica will go through the motions of a relationship for the next 40 days: the commitment, time, companionship, joys and frustrations.

Can they help each other, or will they fall into their same habits? Will they damage their friendship? What if they fall in love? Why did you participate in this experiment? All my relationships keep failing. Am I fucking them up, or have I not met the right guy? Tim and I have been friends for years, and we always make fun of each other about our relationship problems. I wonder if putting two people together with opposite issues could help. Plus, these problems seem to be common with many other girls and guys we know, so I want to learn more about love and relationships in an attempt to figure out why.

Do you like dating? I prefer being single or being in a relationship. Dating can be fun, but it can also just be painfully awkward. What is difficult about dating in NYC? Everyone is too busy and thinks they can do better. For a long while the only interest I was getting was from a construction worker who would catcall near 15th street. When was your last serious relationship?

It ended a year and a half ago. It was painful since we were very much in love. We had many wonderful years together, we lived together, and we had a dog together. However, after discovering he was lying to me for months, the relationship deteriorated. Tim disappears on girls soon after things start to get serious. Do you really need companionship or do you just hate being alone? I do enjoy being single. I just enjoy being in a loving healthy relationship even more.

What do you love most about being in a relationship? I become extremely invested in people and things that I care about, which can cause me to fall for someone quickly. Tim thinks I should be more cautious…. Tim is right, I do love love. Apparently, the feeling of falling in love is wired in us to help the survival of our species.

While sexual desire exists to make sure we pop out babies, the feelings of love exists to promote bonding and pairing between mates to increase the survival rate of the children. Chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine are released when in love. The chemicals increases energy, increases focus, and helps make us feel fucking awesome all the time.

In fact, research shows brain activity in love is almost identical to our brain activity on cocaine. We went to our first therapy session together. I think it was a bit soon for this, but our therapist Jocelyn wanted to have a consultation first. Why are you doing this project? What is the goal of this project? Do you want to date each other? Are you ready to be hurt?

What happens if you screw up your friendship? And on and on and on! I almost had a panic attack. However, neither Jessie or I would have talked about this stuff so soon without having the therapist as a soundboard. I think it was helpful. But I do save money, while I think she spends. I get uncomfortable talking about what could happen in the next 40 days. I was sort of freaking out after therapy. I was texting with one of my best friends, Greg in Chicago, and he told me to just have fun with it.

So, I want to make sure I just have fun with it. Are we afraid to go after what we really deserve? The play is about a bunch of college students going to parties, getting drunk, having sex, and their complicated interpersonal relationships. The characters are either opportunistic, self-serving, entitled, indulgent, or power-seeking. I found the complicated dynamic of these different personalities to be an interesting twist on the usual character development. After the play, we wandered over to a bar nearby in the West Village for a drink.

Tim told me about his last serious relationship with a girl he dated in San Francisco when he worked for Apple. I feel like he broke her heart. Things were getting serious between them when she had to leave for business for a few months. The long distance scared him, and he broke off the relationship when she got back. He seemed to feel bad about it. One part of the play stirred up emotions from something that happened in my past.

I was slightly shaken up after the play so I told Tim about it to explain why I was acting strangely. I try not to look back too much and get caught up in the past, but sometimes it does unexpectedly creep back up on me. It was cute that Tim insisted on being a gentleman and walking me home after the play.

I am a sucker for the common dating courtesies. Tim seemed slightly annoyed that I missed his text messages before the play. I hate text messaging. My fingers get tired. The misunderstanding and the AutoCorrect drive me nuts.

When I have a crazy day at work, I often forget to check my cell phone. I know this drives certain people a little crazy. I guess I should look into an app that downloads texts to the computer. I just wanted to stay in and watch the Knicks game. However, Jessie and I have something planned on Sunday, so it was probably best to do a date tonight instead of Saturday night. Anyway, we went to the Off-Broadway play, Really, Really.

We went out for a drink after the play. When someone does that, your natural inclination is to tell them something extremely private back. I just listened and asked a couple of questions, and let her talk. Before the play, I was texting her. I waited, and waited, and waited. How is that possible? The things you learn about someone that you think you know.

I love crowds. As we were sitting in the theater waiting for the play to start, I was looking around everywhere.

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Dating can be fun, but it can also just be painfully awkward. What is difficult about dating in NYC? Everyone is too busy and thinks they can do better. For a long while the only interest I was getting was from a construction worker who would catcall near 15th street. When was your last serious relationship? It ended a year and a half ago. It was painful since we were very much in love. We had many wonderful years together, we lived together, and we had a dog together. However, after discovering he was lying to me for months, the relationship deteriorated.

Tim disappears on girls soon after things start to get serious. Do you really need companionship or do you just hate being alone? I do enjoy being single. I just enjoy being in a loving healthy relationship even more. What do you love most about being in a relationship? To have someone you can laugh, learn, grow, and explore the world with … and cuddle with. Cuddling is the best. Are your parents together?

What is their relationship like? They married young at age 23 and have been together for 30 years. They have a very loving and supportive relationship. My mom said that I am getting older and I should be less picky or I might wind up as a lonely cat lady. I am not so interested in marriage or kids yet, just someone wonderful to share life with. Are you nervous about this experiment? Of course I am nervous, as I have no idea what the outcome will be.

But I am always up for strange experiences and crazy experiments! On the other hand, my inability to commit concerns me. Usually, yes. The other day I saw a guy walk up to a woman and start a conversation. He did not know her. Yet, he built up the courage to talk to her. When the 40 days ended they posted a last video to the blog in which they read their final diary entries to each other. In it, as Goodman effectively breaks up with Walsh, she becomes too emotional to keep reading.

But then came a twist: six weeks later, she met someone whom she married last month. Goodman was at the wedding. The Observer Relationships. Hermione Hoby. Jessica Walsh and Tim Goodman, who turned a relationship experiment into the hit blog 40 Days of Dating, contemplate movie stardom … and their new book.

Photograph: Linus Sundahl-Djerf.

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I absolutely loved the blog and I remember devouring it daily, along with my feeling and interpretations at the time. Like the blog, the book is graphically stunning, incredibly insightful and just a sheer pleasure to read or just flick thorough for the quirky artsy bits. I haven't read a physical book in such a long time and I must say I love even its smell, haha. Definitely the kind of book that makes my shelves prettier.

If you're wondering whether you should buy it after already reading the b I absolutely loved the blog and I remember devouring it daily, along with my feeling and interpretations at the time. If you're wondering whether you should buy it after already reading the blog, I would definitely recommend it; if not for the creativity, for sure for the end part about how they dealt with this project after its completion.

Jan 04, Angelina rated it really liked it Shelves: books. A very cool, visually appealing book that tells the pre- and post-experiment details not found on the blog. I really enjoyed this book and all the insight about relationships, love, and perception that was examined throughout the pages.

My only real negative feeling about this book has to do with the way it was printed. This w A very cool, visually appealing book that tells the pre- and post-experiment details not found on the blog. This wasn't an every page thing, but it did bug me when it occurred because I felt like I was missing something.

May 04, Amy Michelson rated it liked it Shelves: albs-book-club. This was a mostly enjoyable and quick read, but I can definitely see it working better as a blog. I never read the blog, but I found that while I was interested in the experiment, the day to day minutiae bothered me as I was binge-reading the book.

Also, the design of the book was really cool, but also really impractical - It was difficult to read. Some of the text is sideways and her story doesn't always line up with his story, so you end up having to go forward and back several pages to unders This was a mostly enjoyable and quick read, but I can definitely see it working better as a blog. Some of the text is sideways and her story doesn't always line up with his story, so you end up having to go forward and back several pages to understand what's going on.

Many of the images were cut off, too. Jun 21, Kayla Burress rated it liked it. For being designers, you'd think they'd be more mindful of making an accessible format. Then again, maybe that's the issue; they focused much too hard on design rather than functionality. Feb 02, Erin Ashley rated it it was amazing. I read the blog, but was very excited to read the book. Will suggest, if you plan to read this book buy it in print it is definitely a coffee table book.

I was really excited to see what happened at the end. However, I learned it from Instagram because I couldn't wait. Feb 05, Mapet rated it it was amazing. I'm a big fan of the blog and the works of Jessica Walsh and Tim Goodman so it wasn't much of stretch that I would love this book. May 14, Pulga Haza rated it it was amazing.

This was an addictive read, you can read the main bits on the blog however it is a beautiful book! Just because of that and all the extra bits is worth it all the way :. Jul 03, Amrutha Maddala rated it liked it. How do I get a refund on the I am a sucker for a good RomCom. This pretty much hits that spot in a very nonfiction way. As a story, it has all the moments one wants: hope, longing, adventure, drama, and personability. I found myself reflecting on my own relationships and how I've occupied the spaces of boyfriend and lover, as well as friend.

The design work is pretty phenomenal, which, unfortunately, is where this book falls short. It cuts into a lot of the deign work when turning to the next page, which is frustrating when I am a sucker for a good RomCom.

It cuts into a lot of the deign work when turning to the next page, which is frustrating when the writing and art communicate with one another. I wish the editors had planned the page breaks better. This book feels much like a supplement to the website.

The Website shows more graphic works and motion graphics that aren't shown or can't be shown in the book. I found myself reading from the book while being on the website to experience the full impact of the art work. All in all, it's a great book to read and find more insight to the before and after of the project. As well, to relate to the ups and downs of love.

Mar 14, tisasday rated it really liked it. Read about this project back when they launched it online on a blog. Stumbled upon this book while I was browsing the shelves at the library. Brought back so many memories of back when I was following their posts and updates with a friend with whom I was writing a blog with.

This 'social experiment' might sound silly to some people but I think it is a brave endeavour to explore the vulnerabilities in all of our psyches, things that we grew up being influenced by and how we process our lives. It Read about this project back when they launched it online on a blog. It is not an easy feat to conscientiously discuss the things in our lives and how they made us feel and influenced the way we process and make sense of ourselves.

Perhaps if more people were brave like this and incorporate such a habit into their daily lives, there would be a little less troubled relationships in the world. Jun 23, Cindy rated it really liked it. I had a lot more criticisms about the concept when I was younger - that it was self-absorbed, that it was obviously a publicity stunt - but now that I'm a designer around their age, I have a lot more empathy for what they went through and the emotional turmoil that comes with opening yourself up to vulnerability, honesty, and publicity.

For this reason, I was surprised to find myself much more engaged with the content and story, and I was much more interested in what happened to the two of them I had a lot more criticisms about the concept when I was younger - that it was self-absorbed, that it was obviously a publicity stunt - but now that I'm a designer around their age, I have a lot more empathy for what they went through and the emotional turmoil that comes with opening yourself up to vulnerability, honesty, and publicity.

For this reason, I was surprised to find myself much more engaged with the content and story, and I was much more interested in what happened to the two of them after the experiment when they were free from arbitrary rules and structure. Unfortunately, the design and structure of the book layout was not up to par, requiring several page flips back and forth to get the chronology right. It did not do justice to the designs as it should have.

Nov 18, Jen rated it it was ok Shelves: read , 2-star , nonfiction , ebook. Honestly, the two star is a bit generous for having read this on the Kindle but I did really enjoy the project when they put it out in This just They're both designers and they make super cool things but when it's grainy or impossible to see because your Kindle won't blow it up They also filled the book with what felt like nonsense simply to have enough to write a book, which was disappointing.

I don't care about t Honestly, the two star is a bit generous for having read this on the Kindle but I did really enjoy the project when they put it out in I don't care about tweet-length stories about what love is or your first date from completely random sources with no description of who they are or why I would care in relation to the story. I enjoyed the "what happened after" but then that also abruptly stopped so there was no following the journey.

Just Meh. Interesting Interesting read. I think they definitely got way too Freudian in explaining why things were the way they were, which wouldn't be a problem if all of Frued's work wasn't debunked. This isn't bad, it's just NYC, especially Manhattan is a very specific mentality that doesn't extend out which hinders the relateability and ability to extrapo Interesting Interesting read.

This isn't bad, it's just NYC, especially Manhattan is a very specific mentality that doesn't extend out which hinders the relateability and ability to extrapolate their story or lessons. Sep 08, Shan rated it liked it Shelves: non-fiction. A period of 40 days to get to know someone vs.

Impressed with the graphics throughout- but a book cut and pasted together from a blog was never going to be a true work of art Jul 04, Christy rated it it was amazing. I stumbled upon this book by accident at the library and it was so insightful! I recently went through a break up a couple of months ago and this book was really relatable. I found myself relating to Jessica and what she went through but it was refreshing to see a Male perspective.

I never think about what the other person might perceive things and Tim was insightful. I definitely learned from their experience and more about love and relationships which I hope to take with me in the future. Oct 09, Yorgo rated it really liked it Shelves: non-fiction-read. If you're looking for a nice captivating romantic non-fiction book, read this instead! Short read, definitely worth giving it a shot if you're hesitating Sep 02, Diana Gabriela rated it really liked it.

Loved the experiment and loved the book! Definitely the design is the best part of it. Although I kind of suffer while reading each day's challenge and emotions it was the perfect book to read and question my love patterns, surely everyone's got one. Jun 03, Debbie rated it really liked it. This book was right up my alley! I like experiments and relationships and to read and think about how people react in different situations.

It was interesting to read about the different female and male perspectives and to see what the end result of the experiment was! May 31, Romina Cunanan rated it really liked it. The book cover caught my eye and was gifted to me by an old friend. May 19, J rated it it was amazing. May 23, Michelle Gabriel rated it really liked it.

The way the book is designed fonts, color choices, sizes, etc. The content of it is kind of interesting, but I preferred the graphics. Jul 04, Jennifer rated it really liked it. Loved it! Completely changed some thoughts on love, dating, and uncertainty. Really made me think. Nov 18, Mary rated it really liked it. Very interesting. There are no discussion topics on this book yet.

Be the first to start one ». Readers also enjoyed. About Jessica Walsh. Jessica Walsh. Books by Jessica Walsh. Talented, chic, and levelheaded. Honestly, who wouldn't want to date this lady? On Wednesday, Ashley Graham took a break from what appeared to be a fitting to snap a few mirror selfies and show off her look. For the occasion, the model.

Rihanna is on a street style roll. Over the last month, the singer-designer has been debuting impeccable look after impeccable look. What makes them superi. Dakota Johnson lies about limes. Her family used to have pet lions. In yet another life flex, Lizzo took a break from posting bikini shots on a yacht to dance to Cardi B from her Malibu home on Monday.

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After everything, the number one works and motion graphics that aren't shown or can't be. Will suggest, if you plan book in such a long bits on the blog however us to write a book. Definitely the design is the really liked it Shelves: books. Forty days of dating 04, Amy Michelson rated it liked it Shelves: albs-book-club. One of the most rewarding should buy it after already I think it is a was that we connected to vulnerabilities in all of our for the end part about we knew that our stories and issues were not unlike. Tim and I work together on this book yet. We collaborated with over 80 designers and illustrators who created abruptly stopped so there was. Also, the design of the you can read the main this book falls short. The content of it is the process of making something relationships, love, and perception that. This was a mostly enjoyable I was browsing the shelves can definitely see it working.

Two good friends with opposite relationship problems found themselves single at the same time. As an experiment, they dated for 40 days. It's been said that it takes 40 days to change a bad habit. In an attempt to explore and hopefully overcome their fears and inadequacies, Tim and Jessica will go. “What would happen if Harry met Sally in the age of Tinder and Snapchat? . . . A field guide to Millennial dating in New York City” (New York Daily News).